Goodbye, WordPress

Hello everybody, Karuchan90 here. Today is this blog’s 7th year anniversary, but instead of a celebration, we’ll have a goodbye party. I have postponed so many times now about my “coming back” to this blog. What I once cherished and loved with all my heart now fills me with sadness, frustration and disappointment. I cannot believe that I have let myself down so much, I cannot believe that i have abandoned something that actually helped me, something I truly loved.

I always dreamt of having this site see lots of growth, start a community and document what it’s been like to grow up, but as many people have encountered, the harsh reality of growing up means giving up on lots of stuff along the way. Sadly, I have given up more than just stuff, I’ve given up what made Karuchan90 herself.

I started this blog when I was 15 years old, still in high school. My boyfriend at the time said it was stupid to start a blog, my so called friends didn’t support me or even bothered to care and my parents just didn’t understand it. But I was ok with it, because quite frankly, I liked having it just for me, to do so privately in the sense that I would be able to keep my real life away from all of this. I could be free on here, talk about absolutely anything and everything, and the people who cared about it would be the ones to read, to like, to comment. Those were the people I was willing to share myself with and give them a slice of my heart with all the love of the world.

But then I just, grew up.

College became my distraction, and I cannot believe I spent 4 and a half years of my life trying to convince myself that I wanted to be an engineer. I did coding in high school for 3 years, I’m a very talented programmer. Going into a super great, top ranking university for computer systems programming, i always stood out for my abilities, knowledge and interest to learn.

But I always knew deep down that it wasn’t what I wanted.

I had many breakdowns. I collapsed many times. I had an eating disorder that I used to tell myself that nobody knew about, but now I’ve come to realize that nobody cared. I was going to school at my lowest weight and as I struggled to keep my food deprived self awake during my calculus exam in second semester college, I had to endure the teacher yelling at us that she couldn’t believe that we couldn’t finish a simple calculus exam in 20 minutes. I’m honest, I hated calculus. I was never the brightest in math and I struggled with that subject so damn much, and to top it off with an eating disorder and anxiety, I collapsed the next day.

But that wasn’t my first time, it was my third, I relapsed.

I went back to school with a bruise on my nose because I passed out in the bathroom and hit my nose straight against the shower faucet handles. It hurt, everything hurt, and it made me feel cared for when a couple of friends asked me what happened. It made me feel like finally, someone noticed. Of course my family knew what was going on, but it’s not the same as having a friend support you. I refused to go into rehab, and since I was over 18 at the time my parents could not force me. It made me cry seeing my mother shed oceans from her eyes because of what i was doing to myself. It made me feel sick to see my tired father desperate for money to get me into treatment, because it’s very expensive. It broke my heart to see my sisters, children at the time, having me as a bad role model.

It shattered me, but I still tried.

I came out of it thank God, and I was able to pass my calculus class but not out of courageously coming out from an eating disorder and getting back on track, but because the teacher felt compassion for me and passed me with an 86. Whatever, at least I passed.

…

Time went on and I actually felt amazing. I was feeling better, I had started to slowly do workouts to build some strenght and muscle and not be just a skeleton walking around, and I actually made some dope friends in third semester. I was growing, I was glowing. I met a boy, an extremely lovely boy who actually had interest in who I was and what I loved, and he supported me so much. He became my boyfriend (we’ve been dating for 3 years now ❤ ) and he was the only person from my new friend group to know about this blog.

He loved it, he supported it and encouraged me to write. I tried but, I failed. I failed to keep me motivated, interested. I didn’t know what to do or write, I didn’t know how to try.

So I left it.

And then I came back.

And then I left it again.

And so the cycle went on.

I rebranded this entire blog and made it look amazing. I felt absolutely proud of my work and thought the website was a direct reflection of who I am, but it’s not…it’s actually a reflection of what the 15 year old me always wanted.

I am now 22, going on 23. I’m in my first formal job as an engineer. My boss gave me some work to do at 9 am that takes about 2 hours to do. I’ts been 5 hours and I’m not even close to finishing it. It doesn’t interest me, It doesn’t spark any emotion in me other than hatred and boredom. I feel stuck, and I have felt stuck for about 4 months now. I don’t want to do this.

Karuchan was born when I was 12. She was my online persona pretty much. She roamed around many forums and websites and you’ll most likely run into her in YouTube comment sections nowadays (because I still use the google account for everyday use lol). She had big dreams to grow and see the world, become a star, be an artist. In fact, Karuchan wasn’t the only one who had always dreamt of that, because her real life creator, the one who’s speaking to you know, also wanted that since a kid.

My real name is Britney. I was named directly after Britney Spears. As a kid I loved music. I used to sing a lot in the school choirs. I also loved, loved art. I loved drawing my heart out. As I grew up I always knew I wanted to be an artist. When I reached preteen age, I knew I wanted to kick off and make my dreams come true, so I created Karuchan, she would be the one to shine and thrive as an artist.

But then she died lol

And no matter how much I try to bring her back, she won’t. You know why? Because she’s dead. She’s in the past, and she will never come back. The reason why I feel so lost, so plummeted, is because after she died I had to face the real reflection:

Me.

And that real reflection, is actually Britney grown up. It hurt so much to see that the Britney that was once an innocent kid filled with so much aspirations, life and energy was now this. I’m a gloomy, depressed, and insecure person. I used to be very confident, outgoing, charismatic. I was always the shining star wherever I went, but now whenever I have to talk to someone at work I pray to God to let me speak. I look so confident and collected on the outside, smiling from ear to ear, but on the inside i’m struggling to keep myself from falling. Whenever I speak my voice resonates through the room and captures everybodies attention but on the inside i’m trying not to stutter and let show how nervous and how much i’m on the verge of bursting. I just, don’t want to talk to anybody there. I hate hearing “this company is super amazing you’ll grow to love it so much” and I absolutely, hate with all my heart, how the company’s motto is “A great place to work”.

No, no it isn’t.

Maybe for those who do like it yeah but not for me.

When I was a teenager I wanted to go to college for arts but when the time to decide came my parents looked down uppon me and shamed me for even thinking about being an artist. So I just went with engineering. My parents feel so proud of me, they always tell everybody that their eldest daughter is an engineer. If only they knew lol.

I won’t dedicate myself to this career path. I’ll follow what my little child self always wanted and I won’t care what anybody says or thinks, fuck everybody. It’s my life, and I won’t be stuck behind a depressing desk from 8 to 5.

I’ll be happy.

It’s not that karuchan died, it’s that she just grew up. I don’t have like, DID or anything like that no, it’s just an alter ego that I had but I pretty much grew out of it. It’s time I live up to my own name, and make justice for Karuchan’s disappearance and for the little Britney that cries every single day because she’s not fullfilled.

At one point in this blog’s history I wrote a post about never growing up and always cherishing that inner child, and tbh I can’t believe I didn’t live up to that. Of course you can’t be a literal child and act immature, but you can have the energy, heart and spirit of a kid at any age. It’s called being fun, it’s called being creative.

It’s called living your best life.

So, this is it. This is the end. I won’t delete this blog ever because idk, i don’t actually have the heart to do that lol. I poured my life and soul into this at one point and it’s pretty much part of my teenage years. So i’ll leave it. I don’t think i’ll ever update it again, maybe some day in the future I will. Who knows. My IG is still up on this website somewhere so you can check that out if you want, but I don’t really post much (or anything really).

So, just to pay tribute to this place once filled with joy and life, here’s a list of acheivements:

• Sunshine Blogger Award (I was nominated by a fellow blogger back in the day and won woooh)
• Passed 50,000 overall views (this site has potential!)
• 191 subscribers/followers (love them 4ever ❤ )

Thank you to all the people who I met here. Thank you for the many awesome times we talked and for the support that was always shown.

Special thanks to:

• Man Vs. Loneliness (this blog no longer exists, but I still follow it’s author on IG, he’s accomplished his dream of being a chef!!)

• Kiki (SoyVirgo) (met her when this blog was still active, I still get her posts in my email and it’s always a delight to read them, super creative ❤ )

• Project BIY (It’s innactive now, but it’s author was a great friend who inspired many to become better within themselves)
  
• To all the other people out there with blogs who ever commented, liked and shared my posts.

With all of this said, thank you so much to everyone who once filled this place with so much joy and life. You all made my teen years feel amazing, you made a young 15-17 year old girl get through so many tough days. This girl has now grown up, but she will never forget you. I will forever cherish everyone of you, even those who are reading this now, thank you. I’m sorry that you had to discover this place at it’s end, but just know that I love you for reading this.

Thank you to everybody. Until we meet again, keep happy and stay hydrated.

-With love forever,

Karuchan90.

Karuchan90.wordpress.com
05/04/2016 – 05/04/2023

🙂

A New Me, a New Start

Hello! And welcome to my blog! This is me, and this is who I am.

I used to write on this blog all the time back in the day, when I was in high school and was 15 years old. I am soon to be 22, and I have completely abandoned this website. However, with so many things that have happened in my life the past couple of years, I really want to get back on track and try again with this website, which is actually a project of mine. I want to make it lively, fun and informative. I want it to be active, and I want those who read it to come here frequently to enjoy my content and share their thoughts and opinions on the topics that I write.

I want this to be a place for all of us.

Just like it was at one point of it’s life.

It’s a pretty small blog, and since it died out, many of it’s followers have long forgotten it, but I hope to regrow my audience and reach out to many, many new people and help to inspire them to do something with their life’s and time too.

Life is short, and I recently had the terrible experience to go through two losses, one was my grandmother, and the next was a dear cousin of mine. I learned something from each of their losses. My grandmother spent two long and agonizing weeks before passing on to better life, and I learned in those two weeks to appreciate those around you for real and to always cherish every single moment you have. With my cousin, he passed away in less than an hour in a motorcycle accident. I learned with him that, life can go away from us in seconds, so cherish it as well and don’t leave things for later, get up and do them now, because you never know when your time is up.

Which is what has inspired me to get back on here. I have so, so, soooo many projects in mind and yet I don’t do anything. Whether it be because of laziness, or lack of motivation, I need to get up and do it because it is time to do it. So here I am, presenting myself into the world once again. From wherever I am, I promise to keep up with everything and keep my content on track and rolling. I promise to do a good job and to this time, truly come back.

Thank you for reading, thank you for your interest. This is Karuchan, and this is me.

I will see you soon, I promise.

2018? 2019!

Aaaaye it’s me again! I’ve been busy with some personal stuff but here I am to say a goodbye to 2018 on my blog and to welcome the new year!

Let’s see, this 2018 I feel like I didn’t post much, but hopefully I will in 2019. I wanna get stuff organized this new year to have time for everything that I want to do. I feel like I could have done many stuff this year but I’m happy with the way things always ended up to be, I had a nice year. 🙂

Hope all of you out there too! Be grateful for everything that you have in your life; your friends and family, your home, work, school, whatever it is, be grateful for it. Take good care of yourselves! Remember to rest when you need to, work hard for your goals and try to stay positive through everything that the new year will bring you. You can do it. 🙂

Thanks for reading my blog through this year, there will be more to come soon, I promise!

Have a good new year. 🙂 ❤

With love, me.

I’m back!

WHaattuuup! It’s me- Karuchaaan free from university, finally! Missed me? No! But whatever I’M BACK baby!

So, where was I the last like 3 months? University! I just finished my first semester of college in Systems Engineering. Oh boy. I wrote about 4 different thesis for different subjects, solved 280 calculus problems, did 2 projects and did about 20 programs in the span of 2 weeks. I didn’t even sleep during the last week.

But hey, I got through it! With 90’s and one 80 as final grades, my total grade for the semester was a 92.

Not so proud BUT I DID IT and I have no other option to accept it and feel proud…..I guess.

But I’m finally freeee to browse the internet for hours, write on my blog, draw and workout.

(Quick side note, here’s a little thing I learnt in this first semester: You gain a bit of weight in college. I was stuck at 48 kilograms for 2 years, in just 4 months I went up to 50. )

I actually got on winter holiday since last week on Tuesday, but I was busy cleaning my room, desk, drawers and organizing clothes, finally! Today I focused on doing laundry, still got more laundry to do but I’ll finish it on Sunday. Monday I plan to wash my yoga mat to start working out again and I also gotta bit of laptop maintenance to do which may take me about 2 days (my laptop is FUCKED), plus 1 day of reinstalling all necessary programs and such. Afterwards, I will just chill a bit and start studying a bit. Hey, it doesn’t hurt to study on holiday, it’s actually a good thing. 🙂

So make sure to eat healthy, eat moderately and do not stress too much, you’ll be okay! 🙂 Sooner or later you’ll be on your spring break or whatever, so just give your best shots and efforts, study for heaven’s sake and stay out of trouble. 🙂

So, thank you for reading, bye bye!

Love, Kchan .w.

The Law of Attraction

Do you want to attract a special someone into your life? Do you want to have a new phone? Maybe change something of yourself? Just ask, the universe will do it.

Oh look it’s me I’m posting again after like a month 00ps! I’ve been in college this past month! That’s right, I’m in college already. But that’s not the point of the post, the point is the Law of Attraction (also known as the LOA) to gain whatever you want from the universe.

Now, what is the law of attraction?

The law of attraction is the ability to manifest your thoughts in the physical world. To put it in a simple form, you basically just, wish for something and it comes to you.

You can think about something and focus on it and sooner or later, you will attract what you are thinking and focusing on.  You can ask for money, love, a work opportunity, a different eye color, longer hair, a specific person, or whatever you want and it’ll be given to you.

How does it work?

There are many methods to make this work, such as scripting, listing and affirmations being the most common. Like mentioned before, all you gotta do is ask for something, desire something that you truly want in your life and remain positive, open minded and to believe after everything. You must focus on what you want, think about it and visualize yourself already having what you wanted and how that makes you feel.

Does it work?

Yes. It does! It is really something amazing and powerful that unfortunately many people do not know about. We as humans have this power in our hands, but many of us don’t discover it never. This works with everybody. We are all capable of using this law no matter what.

Of course, I must mention, that for some people it works faster than for others. This depends on how much belief and positivity you have, as well as for how long you have been practicing the LOA. If you are new to this, it can either go both ways: You attract what you want quickly or slowly.

Remember:

The less positive you remain and the less belief you have, the slower you will obtain results.

A while ago on this blog, we talked about subliminal message videos to obtain what you want, most of these videos are linked to physical changes. Such as, changing the shape of your nose or your eye color to your desired eye color. Read up on this here.

In this case, subliminal videos for your own good are linked to the Law of Attraction, since subliminals are a way to attract something into your life.

We must remember that us as humans, we are what we want to be. We are what we think we are. If you think of yourself in a negative way, you will be negative. If you think you are ugly, that the world around you is horrible, that you’ll always be miserable and never be successful or have what you want, that’s exactly what you will receive. The world around you, the reality around you, is shaped by YOU. If you think of yourself as beautiful, lucky, smart, etc., it will eventually become your reality. Why? Because it’s what you wanted.

I strongly believe in this, I have done it many times and I have proven it to work. I will post about the methods that I use, how I discovered this, and a success story later!

Thank you for reading and please excuse me for being absent these past weeks. Like I said, I was at college doing a course that all freshmen must do for a month. I will be going to classes officially in a few weeks. Until then, let’s hope I can post more! 🙂

Also, excuse me if this was a very, vague post. I’m a bit tired at the moment. Anyways, I gotta go to the bathroom! Thanks for checking in and reading! Until next time, goodbye.

-Kchan .w.

How do Homeless Women Deal with Periods?

I’ve always asked myself this question. What do they do? Do they ask around for pads or tampons? Do they use something else? Do people help them?

So, I decided to go on the great and all mighty YouTube and search it up. Gladly, I found a video and my question found an answer.

The problem now is that, it made me feel both sad and angry at the situation. It’s hard for these women living on the streets.

The video I found was done by the channel Bustle. It interviews multiple women in New York City, USA. It is sad to see these women are worried every month because their cycle is coming or it has arrived. It’s amazing how something that women need is so hard to get for these women. Women need these feminine hygiene products every month to keep clean and to in a way “control” the bleeding. No folks, menstruation isn’t something that we can stop, it isn’t something we can decide whether or not it should happen. It’s a thing that we just do because it’s our nature and it demands to be done every month. But through these products, we can keep it under control until it’s gone.

It’s sad to know that, there are places where you can get condoms for free but not pads nor tampons.

Now, you tell me:

What’s really a necessity? A condom, or a tampon?

I understand that condoms are great to avoid STD’s and pregnancies especially in homeless people, but…I don’t know.

Seems kinda unfair in a way?

Like, a condom isn’t really something you MUST have, it isn’t a necessary object like toilet paper or toothpaste. Meanwhile, a pad or a tampon, is something that a woman needs to take care of period blood from getting everywhere or avoiding smells or infections.

Source

These women have been really creative using things such as t-shirts, socks and toilet paper/napkins as sanitary pads. It isn’t always the greatest option though. Like mentioned in the video, these women are exposing themselves to infections. It isn’t as clean, it isn’t as sanitary to use these items instead of actual pads or tampons, but what else can they do? What other options can they get?

I know that there are such things as Dollar Stores where they can find the things that they need and I know that in some places there is help for these women such as homeless shelters that can provide them with what they need, and some public restrooms even carry them. But I guess that every situation is different. I guess that not all of them can afford to buy from a dollar store, who knows how much they make. Some may not have access to homeless shelters, either.

But wherever these women are, may they find help. Ladies, if you see a homeless woman on the streets and she needs a pad or tampon, don’t hesitate. Give them one. I’m sure most women carry one around and if not, help them out with buying a box for them. Imagine if you were in their situation, you would want help, no?

Source

Appreciate what you have because there are women out there who cannot have it and have it hard during those days of the month. Always appreciate and remember to always have a helping hand. We girls gotta help each other out.

But remember: we all have to help out one another no matter genders in the end. We just have to see each other as human beings, and nothing else. If you see a homeless person either man or woman, give them a helping hand. They will appreciate it. And don’t judge them just because they’re on the streets. Don’t instantly assume they’re alcoholics or druggies, they all have a different story.

Just like we each have our life story, so do they.

Just a slightly more different. 😛

What do you think?

 

 

 

New Semester, Last Semester

I’m on my last semester of high school now! 6th semester, graduating as a mathematician and with a bachelor’s degree in programming in July, woot! College, here I come! But first….

Gotta deal with this last semester, aye?

So sorry for not posting in such a long time, but here I am again! I still got math homework to do but, I’ll write first. Now, all of my teachers are great, but there is this one specific teacher that kinda bothers me.

Now, I already had this teacher when I was in 1st semester, and I tolerated him through the whooole semester and after him I felt such a relief. Well, if I already tolerated him for one whole semester, I can do so again. Ya see, the thing is, this is the type of teacher that likes to:

Ridicule

Make fun of the students

Pressure us

And that scares me in a way. I don’t want to be ridiculed by him, he literally has no chill towards anyone. But, he already tried to do it once, er, three times actually, and this won’t be an exception. No it won’t. I’ve always been a strong gal and I will get through it once more. 🙂

Oh, and also, during my first week of school I got hit in the face with a soccer ball.

Okay, that’s it for now. Cya!

 

I want to be Happy

Yup, I’m unhappy. I’ve been like it for a veeery long time. It’s hard for me emotionally always. I sometimes feel great about everything but the next day no more. I’m a normal gal, I go to a great school, I’m very social, I’m a high achiever. But, I want to do something more like I have already mentioned previously in some other post.

And you know what? I will. I said I would but I haven’t done shit and it’s just lowering me every day even more and more.

I want to finally do things that I’ve always wanted to do. I want to do things without anybody telling me what to do. I want to do things on my own, with my own permission. I will need help of course and I will ask for it, and I know exactly who can help me.

I just can’t believe it. I’ve had the right people here to always help me and I know they will so, why not just start and do it all?

I want to grow, I want to fulfill myself and others. I want to in general, feel and be happy.

It’s always been one of my ambitions anyways. I’ve always wanted to feel that accomplishment and I will feel it and I will keep it with me.

So uh yeah that’s it really. I just felt like saying all this ‘cuz I’ve been feeling very very down lately. Writing things down has always helped me so I chose to write this post, even though I already wrote a whole complete paragraph on my notebook on what I want to do. It’s always so hard for me to open up about how I feel.

Oh wellz.

Anyways….what will I do you wonder?

Wait for it.

Bye. 🙂

-KcHAn90 ❤

Orphans and Letters

Merry Christmas to all of you! This year I had a very unique Christmas, which is worth writing about and sharing on my blog.

As many of you know (or don’t know), I live in Mexico. I have been living here for 5 years. I love it here. 🙂 Anyways, my sister’s elementary school is free for the kids that assist this local orphanage, meaning that children who live there can go to school there. In one of my sister’s class is a girl from that orphanage, who happens to be my sister’s best friend. We decided to visit her orphanage and pick her up so that she could spend Christmas with my family, become her foster family for a few days.

We went to her orphanage yesterday and we were greeted by lots of kids from there. To be honest, it broke my heart.

I have worked with children in the past, but those kids had someone that loved them and cared for them, but yesterday I was faced with another reality: Child abandonment.

In that orphanage are children who were taken away from their parents because of child abuse and neglect, children who were abandoned, children who’s own parents took them there because they didn’t have the economic resources and even kids who are there by their own will, as in, ran away from home.

Toddlers, kids, teenagers. All together living there. I have never visited such a place, which is why I felt very sad being there.

Kids are kids. What fault do they have in this world to be born different, or to just be born in general? I understand those who couldn’t take care financially of their kids, but the rest, why? Why throw away an innocent baby? Why abuse them? It is such a shame to me.

In my culture we do not get presents on Christmas. Last time I got a present on Christmas was when I was in the United States as in, 5 years ago. But yesterday that we went, Raul, a Mentally disabled child, gave me and my sisters each a hand written card.

It was our Christmas gift from him to us.

-“Hello people: How are you? I think you aren’t okay after the earthquake. Now there are people living on the streets and right now I’m sad looking at people cry for their homes or people on the streets but I know that they’re helping them with clothes, blankets, etc. but I know that they’re standing (going through) rainstorms, cold, heat, earthquakes, etc. but also some are sad because they lost their loved ones but they will always support you and have faith, goodbye.”- 

And it’s the best gift I have ever received.

The simplest things in life can make a very big difference. Always cherish and enjoy what you have because there are people in the world who do not have much and despite not having much, they are still very, very happy. Like the children in the orphanage. It is very heartwarming to see that those kids find happiness in the little that they have, and that they are filled with so much joy and love.

Remember to always receive and give love and remember that in the end, you don’t need the fancy, expensive things on Christmas to spend a great time. Have a proclivity for work, but also try to have one for those who can’t, for those who depend on others.

I have learned to appreciate that, and I hope that many people out there can too. 🙂

I will be visiting the Orphanage again soon with my family, as we will be bringing them gifts and some food for them to celebrate El Dia de los Reyes Magos on January 6th, which is the holiday in which children of Mexico receive presents.

Hope you all had a merry Christmas.

With love,

-Karuchan. ❤