Dead Tree

When I was the weird, hyperactive 9 year old child back in the day, there was a tree at school that me and my friends decided to name: Dead Tree. It was a dead tree.

Childhood is that time in life where nothing really matters. All you want is to just, go outside and play, probably break an arm, climb a tree and basically whatever you feel like doing, ya’ know? Well, when I was a child, in my Elementary school from 4th to 5th grade, all the way at the end of the baseball field, standing alone was a tree. It was a tree that one time in it’s life had leafs but now it had nothing but a bunch of old branches. Yup, the tree was dead.

Hence, me and my friends decided to make it our hangout spot during recess because it was away from all the evil teachers that would yell at us to not jump off the slide. We decided to name the tree and what better name for a dead tree than Dead Tree?

**Not actually Dead Tree, this is just a random tree off Google.

Pfft, yeah, I know! Creativity to the MAX LEVEL. 

William Shakespeare who? Yo, we talking real creativity here with my tree buddy Dead Tree.

Anyways, we did so much with Dead Tree. We climbed it, we would race to it, and once we even planted skittles under it, hoping that a skittles tree would grow.

Now, what’s the point of this story?

That when you’re a child, even a dead tree at your school is your bests friend. I saw that the daily prompt today is ‘Soil’, it reminded me of the time that we tried to revive Dead Tree, even though to us, he was still alive.

And yes, the tree was a boy.

What’s sad is how we grow up, and we forget about these little things in life. Of course, there is always somebody who will forever remember them.

And in that case, it would be me.

One of my most favorite books is the book Ida B: and Her Plans to Maximize Fun, Avoid Disaster, and (Possibly) Save the World by Katherine Hannigan. It’s a children’s novel about a girl named Ida B. who is homeschooled and her only friends are her apple trees. What’s awesome bout it is that she talks to the trees and the trees “talk” to her. Sadly, her mother falls sick in Cancer and her father needs to sell some of their land to get money for her mother. Part of the land that he sells is part of her apple trees which, they are all destroyed and taken down for the new owners to build their home there. Ida B. falls into depression and changes her personality quite drastically because everything she loved was being destroyed, from her mother, to her family, to her only friends.

This book, is a wonderful book to me because it is the first book that I read in my childhood that actually left memories of it in me. I love to read, and as a kid I would always read a bunch of those typical children’s books like Captain Underpants, The Berenstein Bears (I refuse to accept the Mandela Effect), The Magic school bus and all that other stuff. Yeah, I do have memories of those as well same with all the plant books and history books I would always read because I had a thing for plants and history (still do) but, Ida B and Her Plans to Maximize Fun, Avoid Disaster and Possibly Save the World is the first ever book that actually gave me feelings and emotions for as a child.

And I related more to that book because of my friend, Dead Tree.

Dead Tree lives in Las Vegas, Nevada in the United States of America. I hope that he is still standing in his place. One day I shall go visit him and hopefully, I’ll see him with leafs like I always wanted to.

And if he’s still dead then whatever, Dead Tree is still the most awesome tree in the world.

Thank you for reading.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/soil/ click on these blue letters to be taken to the daily prompt and check other peoples posts.

…….Maybe they have a tree friend named Alive Tree?

Please Bury Me Six Feet Deep Now

You know when you do something or attempt to do something and it all goes wrong and you are left embarrassed and shamed and the experience will haunt you forever?

*flashback to something embarrassing* 

It’s moments like these when you want to just…stick your head in the ground like an ostrich or like the title of this post reads, bury yourself six feet deep into the ground.

Not speaking seriously of course don’t…don’t do that. I don’t why you would do that but no it’s just an expression so…yeah. Don’t.

Most of the times when we do something, we don’t think it’s embarrassing at all until a few days, weeks, maybe even months or years pass by and you are suddenly remembered many, many things that you regret. Or we realize we just turned into the center of attention in a bad way in the moment of doing whatever the fuck you’re doing that went wrong.

Well guess what? I wish I hadn’t done that is just an expression, because the feeling of WHY DID I DO THIS is a reality.

When you do something embarrassing, you don’t want to even remember it. You get kinda annoyed when a friend mentions it, you start to try to distract them or everybody from the topic. But do you know what’s the worst?

When these freaking memories of embarrassment hit you randomly in the middle of class, at 3:00 AM, during dinner, at anytime basically. Like, why does that happen?

Do these embarrassing moments come back to us all of a sudden to remind ourselves of how stupid we are (or can be)? We try to bury all these moments of our life into the deepest black hole ever but they suddenly make themselves come out again.

WHY.

Sigh.

daily prompt. https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/bury/

If I Could Sail

If I were to sail the world, if I could, I would go to many, many places and do many things while I’m at it.

But do you know where I would go first? Where I would go and observe the beauty?

To the middle of the ocean.

Just, go with a sail boat to the middle of the ocean, lay a towel on the boats floor and lay there watching the birds and the clouds go by, as I feel the ocean waves rocking my boat.

Feel the suns rays while they shine on me, how warm the hugs from the sun feel. How they burn my skin, and make me even more sun kissed than what I already am.

Ouch.

But hey, I’ll enjoy it. Do you know why? Because I’ve never seen the ocean.

Being so close to it, literally 2 hours away, I haven’t gone.

If I could sail the world, I would go to many islands and sit on the sand, collect seashells and watch the sunset. I would go swimming in the oceans water, dive into coral reefs and even though I find sharks cute, let’s try to stay away from them.

This summer I would love to go to the beach and see the ocean, but sadly, once again…

The closest to an ocean that I will be getting to is a pool, rivers and springs.

Oh well, I do enjoy walking in the middle of the jungle to get to a spring! I love driving for 2 hours to get to Crystalline water-filled rivers, and I enjoy getting chlorine in my eyes at pools (…).

But one day, one day.

I’ll be on a sail boat.

In the middle of the ocean.

…..

Not alone of course that would probably scare me after sometime hahahaha…..

Blossom with Pride!

If you don’t know, June is LGBT Pride month! Yay! Are you against it? Or are you in favor? Why?

As a child, I was told to always believe that man and woman is what is right. My mother and father were against all homosexuals ( No worries, my parents are now in favor! ).  I would see a man kissing a man on television and hear my father say how wrong it was and I would always think:

“Why?” 

Even though as a child I was told to never be like that, that it was wrong, and that I should be against it, I never understood why.

What’s wrong with it? 

People who are against it have a good time saying it’s wrong but have a bad time saying why it’s wrong. Or, the only thing that they pull up is “The bible says it”.

Look, I also grew up being taught to believe in God and Jesus and the Virgin Mary. I was baptized by the Catholic church, I assisted to a Sunday Church school for like, 3 years and all the other stuff.

But, from what my own religion and from what my own parents have taught me…We are all human beings, and we all deserve to be loved. 

So, why not let man love man? Why not let woman love woman? You wanna be Transsexual? Go for it. Gender-fluid? Sure! Pronouns? Just tell me which ones to use.

That’s another thing- Gender identities. I may not understand the whole pronoun thing, I may not understand your gender identity, but that doesn’t mean I have to disrespect you because of something that I do not understand.

One more thing- I identify as a female. Up and down, sideways, standing or sitting, I am a female. A Pansexual one. Which yes, it is a type of sexuality!

A Pansexual person is a person who doesn’t care about what sex, gender or sexuality you are, all I will ever care about is that you’re a human being and I will love you for that. I will love you for your heart.

I think that due to me being raised taught to disagree with something made me into something that my parents would never approve of. Until now, of course. My parents have learned to accept homosexual people.

Now, instead of my parents telling my little sisters that it isn’t right, they tell them that it’s okay to love and be loved, no matter what.

Because love is an illusion. A beautiful one. Ya see, the problem here is that due to it being an illusion, it can be different for everybody (does that make sense?). And there are many people in this world who fear that that is different, who do not like it. Which is why all this hatred towards people who love differently than what we are taught exists.

Be open minded, be accepting, be loving, be caring. Who knows, maybe what you hated is what your kids or you yourself may turn into or end up liking.

Of course, if you are straight and have nothing against homosexual people then good for you. All I’m saying is to respect those who are different. 🙂

Don’t be scared to love, be brave about it! Be proud of who you are! Don’t be embarrassed about it, appreciate it instead.

That was it for today, thanks for reading. ^^

-Karuchan~x

I Need Your Help!

HELP I’M STUCK IN THE OVEN Now that I got your attention, mind sharing your thoughts with me, please?

Hello! It’s been a while since I posted. School keeps me busy, especially with all my finals going on. Anyways, today I ask all of you:

What do you understand by “Horizons: Art with hope”?

Now, the reason to this is because I have entered a contest in the category of Artistic Drawing and the topic of the drawing that I have to present is that one, Horizons: Art with Hope.

But, what do I understand from it?

I think about a drawing that expresses hope, you know, like finding hope when you’re stuck somewhere.

But, what do you understand?

Would you please help me build an image in my mind?

I will be posting all updates, photographs of the drawing process, materials, etc. until the day of the event! Obviously, the drawing will also be shown here on my blog. I have a total of 10 days to start and finish my drawing.

**All thoughts given will be part of the text document in which I will explain how I got the inspiration for the drawing I will create. Of course, I will mention that I got thoughts and opinions from everybody that helps out with this. The drawing that I present will be based on the comments that are given to me.

Thank you! And I hope to hear from you!

-Karuchan~ x ❤

Self Harm Is For Losers Like Me

Hello! Today I would like to talk about something from my past, as it is now affecting one of my friends. Yes, I used to self harm. Under my uniform’s sleeve hid lots of scars.

I was 13 years old when I started to self harm after the suicide of my dearest of dearest, I felt guilty as I was the last person who my friend spoke to, we laughed, sang, it all seemed normal. Sadly, I was too stupid to realize that for about a week he was hinting his suicide at me. I did not realize it until the last second when he said his plans to me.

He promised he was joking, though. So I didn’t take him seriously.

Well, he wasn’t joking.

Feeling the guilt I started to self harm and I fell into a deep depression.

I would wear a uniform to school that consisted of a long sleeve shirt. With my P.E. uniform, which was a short sleeve shirt, I would hide my scars under these long, bracelet cuffs like the one shown here.

Yep. I would cut my wrists. My parents didn’t know, my friends didn’t know either. From the outside I was the happy cheerful little Karu-chan always running around but inside I was sad.

I eventually stopped, after I found myself in the pathetic situation in which I had stomped desperately on a pencil sharpener until I broke it in order to get the blade out. I was hiding out in the last bathroom stall about to drag it down my wrist when I said:

“No. Stop it. ”

It was hard, but I stopped. I looked up ways to stop on the internet and I found this method where I would snap rubber bands against my wrists whenever I felt like cutting myself.

Is that method dangerous? Yes. But the point of it was, replacing the pain with another pain and gradually reduce that pain until I no longer needed it. Maybe it wasn’t the best way, maybe there were other methods that I could have tried, but I went with the first thing that popped up as I was desperate.

In the end, this was all unnecessary. I could have avoided many things, yet I couldn’t and not accepting it brought me to what I would do.

I found myself in the situation where my friend who may rest in peace used to be in, the which I helped him through. Yup, I stopped him from hurting himself as well but in the end I did the same exact thing.

I know that he didn’t want me to do that, it wasn’t the right thing. But I did it anyways.

“I have a blade named cat. Cat scratches my wrists”

In the end, the point here is: Don’t.

There are other ways to solve your issues, baby. Don’t hurt yourself as it will lead to nothing but death. Instead, do what I didn’t do: Talk to someone. And if you’re scared of talking to someone which was my case, talk to yourself. Look at yourself and realize that you do not deserve the pain that you’re putting yourself through.

My friend’s into self harm because his parents discovered his homosexuality. It’s a stupid reason to harm yourself. So what if you like the same gender as you?

There are people who harm themselves because of your words. Because remember that your words hurt more than your actions, okay? Be careful who you offend, who you insult because you don’t know what goes on inside them, what goes on at home, in their lives.

And remember that no matter what, your life is precious. There are people who are wishing to survive, who go to sleep every night scared that it will be their last. Meanwhile here you are doing what you’re doing when it’s completely unnecessary.

People who self harm are losers. They’re losers because they’re scared to go on, they’re afraid. They go to self harm because they feel that it’s the only way out, that it’s the right thing to do, but it’s not.

A loser looses.

A winner, wins.

I was a loser for cutting myself. Now I’m a winner. Why? Because I was able to win against my situation, and I moved on.

So if I can do it, why can’t you? You just gotta get up, you can’t stay on the floor forever and let people step on you! You gotta get up, walk forward and pick up anybody who is on the floor.

If you’re into self harm or someone you know is, please, please, seek professional help. I am no professional, this is just my case. I don’t advise you try the rubber band method as it is dangerous since your blood veins can get swollen and explode. Please, seek other ways, there are many methods out there and many people who are willing to help you or the person that you know.

It is now my goal to stop my gay friend from his self harm. Don’t worry, I’m already working on it. 🙂

Thank you for reading.

-Karuchan

The Effects Of Music In Us

Ah, you know that one song that you would cry yourself to sleep with? Or the one that made you feel like running outside and dancing? Yep, we all know those songs.

Don’t we?

Music is sound. It’s waves of noise, that’s all it is. Music doesn’t exist *physically*. You cannot touch it, you cannot see it. You can represent it with notes I guess, but, it’s just a representation, isn’t it? You can play an instrument, sing, whatever.

But, music is nothing but sound. 

Beautiful sound.

So beautiful that it can cause emotions in us that we don’t understand.

We all have that one song that makes us feel sad, happy, mad, confused. In my case, I have songs that by listening to them I’ve realized things like “…shit I have a crush on him” or “Ah I’m an idiot”, you get the picture, right?

“You only hear the music when your heart begins to break”
                                                            -MCR, The Kids From Yesterday

 

But the point here is:

Music makes you feel.

But, why? Why can music do this?

Okay, let’s get explaining!

We human beings (yes, that includes you too) have this thing in us called Serotonin. Now, Serotonin is believed to be a magical thing. You know why? Because Serotonin is thought to be what makes us feel. It can make you feel love, mad, sad, happy, depressed, sexual desire, sleepy, hunger/appetite and all that stuff. It also has to do with your pain receptor, if I recall correctly. Serotonin is commonly known as the ‘Happy brain chemical”.

Now, when you listen to a song, it can make you feel lots of stuff. According to scientific research, If a song makes you feel happy, it’s because the song you’re listening to made your Serotonin levels increase. Now, if you’re listening to a song that makes you feel sad, your Serotonin, decreased.

Basically, songs affect your serotonin levels which are the ones that are said to be in charge of your mood. In fact, many anti-depressants contain this chemical. A large portion of this chemical is located in the nervous system.

Music traces our mood through our ears. When you listen to a song that you love, it makes you feel amazing, it makes you feel happy, you’re in a good state, or maybe it makes you feel sad or like going on a freaking rampage.

Music can make you feel empowered, crazy, wild, calm, etc. In fact, it can even trigger memories or thoughts, reflections.

Take for instance, this song here by one of my all-time favorite Musical Artist- Grimes. What does it make you feel?

To me, it makes me feel relaxed.

Music can even inspire you, which is my case:

I can listen to a song, it will give me a certain mood, and I will start to interpret the song as an image that I will lay out on paper. To help, I listen to the song that inspired me while drawing, so that the image I’m creating won’t get lost.

Actually, lots of my blog posts are inspired by songs too, like this post. 🙂

Music plays a major role when it comes to feelings, at least in my view. People write songs for others when in love, they dance to them when the music gets to their bones, they use songs to relate to each other, they use them to confess feelings to others, they use them to make fun of people, to express a statement, etc.

Send shivers down my spine 

Make my eyes water

Give my ears your vibrations 

And make me open my eyes to your words.

Aaaah, I love this.

But sometimes it’s just not the music itself that gives you the feels, it can also be the music videos. The visuals, styles, images depicted, etc. Take for instance this music video by Melanie Martinez, a singer and songwriter who is very unique in all her ways.

*Warning! If you’re a bit squeamish towards blood and um… skin getting peeled off of someone for plastic surgery, then, there’s a small scene in this where that happens so, just to let ya know!

What did that one make you feel? Did it make you think? Reflect? Remember?

In fact, I met a psychologist once that gave an MP3 player to one of his young patients since music would help him with his social anxiety and, so far it’s working. 🙂

Music in the end, it has many effects on us. It can make us go and do stuff, say stuff, act a certain way, feel many things and much, much more.

What do you think?

Anyways, I hope that this made sense!

====================What type of music do I like?============================== 

I’m into some kinda different styles of music from what you hear on the radio. I love Synthpop, Synthwave (Gotta thank ManvsLoneliness for introducing the genre to me!). Really recommend those two genres, it gives you an 80’s-90’s feel!

I also love Heavy Metal music, Slipknot being my favorite. But my number one favorite band is Pierce The Veil, which is a post-hardcore band.

for modern everyday Pop, Lady Gaga is my all-time favorite since childhood. There are many other singers like Melanie Martinez, Kimbra and more that have songs that I enjoy too.

I can enjoy some Hip Hop and Rap songs as well, especially the ones with a thousand swear words in them, those are perfect for singing at school during classes!

Thank you for reading~

-Karuchan90 ❤