HELP I’M STUCK IN THE OVEN Now that I got your attention, mind sharing your thoughts with me, please?
Hello! It’s been a while since I posted. School keeps me busy, especially with all my finals going on. Anyways, today I ask all of you:
What do you understand by “Horizons: Art with hope”?
Now, the reason to this is because I have entered a contest in the category of Artistic Drawing and the topic of the drawing that I have to present is that one, Horizons: Art with Hope.
But, what do I understand from it?
I think about a drawing that expresses hope, you know, like finding hope when you’re stuck somewhere.
But, what do you understand?
Would you please help me build an image in my mind?
I will be posting all updates, photographs of the drawing process, materials, etc. until the day of the event! Obviously, the drawing will also be shown here on my blog. I have a total of 10 days to start and finish my drawing.
**All thoughts given will be part of the text document in which I will explain how I got the inspiration for the drawing I will create. Of course, I will mention that I got thoughts and opinions from everybody that helps out with this. The drawing that I present will be based on the comments that are given to me.
Hello! Today I would like to talk about something from my past, as it is now affecting one of my friends. Yes, I used to self harm. Under my uniform’s sleeve hid lots of scars.
I was 13 years old when I started to self harm after the suicide of my dearest of dearest, I felt guilty as I was the last person who my friend spoke to, we laughed, sang, it all seemed normal. Sadly, I was too stupid to realize that for about a week he was hinting his suicide at me. I did not realize it until the last second when he said his plans to me.
He promised he was joking, though. So I didn’t take him seriously.
Well, he wasn’t joking.
Feeling the guilt I started to self harm and I fell into a deep depression.
I would wear a uniform to school that consisted of a long sleeve shirt. With my P.E. uniform, which was a short sleeve shirt, I would hide my scars under these long, bracelet cuffs like the one shown here.
Yep. I would cut my wrists. My parents didn’t know, my friends didn’t know either. From the outside I was the happy cheerful little Karu-chan always running around but inside I was sad.
I eventually stopped, after I found myself in the pathetic situation in which I had stomped desperately on a pencil sharpener until I broke it in order to get the blade out. I was hiding out in the last bathroom stall about to drag it down my wrist when I said:
“No. Stop it. ”
It was hard, but I stopped. I looked up ways to stop on the internet and I found this method where I would snap rubber bands against my wrists whenever I felt like cutting myself.
Is that method dangerous? Yes. But the point of it was, replacing the pain with another pain and gradually reduce that pain until I no longer needed it. Maybe it wasn’t the best way, maybe there were other methods that I could have tried, but I went with the first thing that popped up as I was desperate.
In the end, this was all unnecessary. I could have avoided many things, yet I couldn’t and not accepting it brought me to what I would do.
I found myself in the situation where my friend who may rest in peace used to be in, the which I helped him through. Yup, I stopped him from hurting himself as well but in the end I did the same exact thing.
I know that he didn’t want me to do that, it wasn’t the right thing. But I did it anyways.
“I have a blade named cat. Cat scratches my wrists”
In the end, the point here is: Don’t.
There are other ways to solve your issues, baby. Don’t hurt yourself as it will lead to nothing but death. Instead, do what I didn’t do: Talk to someone. And if you’re scared of talking to someone which was my case, talk to yourself. Look at yourself and realize that you do not deserve the pain that you’re putting yourself through.
My friend’s into self harm because his parents discovered his homosexuality. It’s a stupid reason to harm yourself. So what if you like the same gender as you?
There are people who harm themselves because of your words. Because remember that your words hurt more than your actions, okay? Be careful who you offend, who you insult because you don’t know what goes on inside them, what goes on at home, in their lives.
And remember that no matter what, your life is precious. There are people who are wishing to survive, who go to sleep every night scared that it will be their last. Meanwhile here you are doing what you’re doing when it’s completely unnecessary.
People who self harm are losers. They’re losers because they’re scared to go on, they’re afraid. They go to self harm because they feel that it’s the only way out, that it’s the right thing to do, but it’s not.
A loser looses.
A winner, wins.
I was a loser for cutting myself. Now I’m a winner. Why? Because I was able to win against my situation, and I moved on.
So if I can do it, why can’t you? You just gotta get up, you can’t stay on the floor forever and let people step on you! You gotta get up, walk forward and pick up anybody who is on the floor.
If you’re into self harm or someone you know is, please, please, seek professional help. I am no professional, this is just my case. I don’t advise you try the rubber band method as it is dangerous since your blood veins can get swollen and explode. Please, seek other ways, there are many methods out there and many people who are willing to help you or the person that you know.
It is now my goal to stop my gay friend from his self harm. Don’t worry, I’m already working on it. 🙂
Ah, you know that one song that you would cry yourself to sleep with? Or the one that made you feel like running outside and dancing? Yep, we all know those songs.
Don’t we?
Music is sound. It’s waves of noise, that’s all it is. Music doesn’t exist *physically*. You cannot touch it, you cannot see it. You can represent it with notes I guess, but, it’s just a representation, isn’t it? You can play an instrument, sing, whatever.
But, music is nothing but sound.
Beautiful sound.
So beautiful that it can cause emotions in us that we don’t understand.
We all have that one song that makes us feel sad, happy, mad, confused. In my case, I have songs that by listening to them I’ve realized things like “…shit I have a crush on him” or “Ah I’m an idiot”, you get the picture, right?
“You only hear the music when your heart begins to break” -MCR, The Kids From Yesterday
But the point here is:
Music makes you feel.
But, why? Why can music do this?
Okay, let’s get explaining!
We human beings (yes, that includes you too) have this thing in us called Serotonin. Now, Serotonin is believed to be a magical thing. You know why? Because Serotonin is thought to be what makes us feel. It can make you feel love, mad, sad, happy, depressed, sexual desire, sleepy, hunger/appetite and all that stuff. It also has to do with your pain receptor, if I recall correctly. Serotonin is commonly known as the ‘Happy brain chemical”.
Now, when you listen to a song, it can make you feel lots of stuff. According to scientific research, If a song makes you feel happy, it’s because the song you’re listening to made your Serotonin levels increase. Now, if you’re listening to a song that makes you feel sad, your Serotonin, decreased.
Basically, songs affect your serotonin levels which are the ones that are said to be in charge of your mood. In fact, many anti-depressants contain this chemical. A large portion of this chemical is located in the nervous system.
Music traces our mood through our ears. When you listen to a song that you love, it makes you feel amazing, it makes you feel happy, you’re in a good state, or maybe it makes you feel sad or like going on a freaking rampage.
Music can make you feel empowered, crazy, wild, calm, etc. In fact, it can even trigger memories or thoughts, reflections.
Take for instance, this song here by one of my all-time favorite Musical Artist- Grimes. What does it make you feel?
To me, it makes me feel relaxed.
Music can even inspire you, which is my case:
I can listen to a song, it will give me a certain mood, and I will start to interpret the song as an image that I will lay out on paper. To help, I listen to the song that inspired me while drawing, so that the image I’m creating won’t get lost.
Actually, lots of my blog posts are inspired by songs too, like this post. 🙂
Music plays a major role when it comes to feelings, at least in my view. People write songs for others when in love, they dance to them when the music gets to their bones, they use songs to relate to each other, they use them to confess feelings to others, they use them to make fun of people, to express a statement, etc.
Send shivers down my spine
Make my eyes water
Give my ears your vibrations
And make me open my eyes to your words.
Aaaah, I love this.
But sometimes it’s just not the music itself that gives you the feels, it can also be the music videos. The visuals, styles, images depicted, etc. Take for instance this music video by Melanie Martinez, a singer and songwriter who is very unique in all her ways.
*Warning! If you’re a bit squeamish towards blood and um… skin getting peeled off of someone for plastic surgery, then, there’s a small scene in this where that happens so, just to let ya know!
What did that one make you feel? Did it make you think? Reflect? Remember?
In fact, I met a psychologist once that gave an MP3 player to one of his young patients since music would help him with his social anxiety and, so far it’s working. 🙂
Music in the end, it has many effects on us. It can make us go and do stuff, say stuff, act a certain way, feel many things and much, much more.
What do you think?
Anyways, I hope that this made sense!
====================What type of music do I like?==============================
I’m into some kinda different styles of music from what you hear on the radio. I love Synthpop, Synthwave (Gotta thank ManvsLoneliness for introducing the genre to me!). Really recommend those two genres, it gives you an 80’s-90’s feel!
I also love Heavy Metal music, Slipknot being my favorite. But my number one favorite band is Pierce The Veil, which is a post-hardcore band.
for modern everyday Pop, Lady Gaga is my all-time favorite since childhood. There are many other singers like Melanie Martinez, Kimbra and more that have songs that I enjoy too.
I can enjoy some Hip Hop and Rap songs as well, especially the ones with a thousand swear words in them, those are perfect for singing at school during classes!
I saw it on tv lol. The case here is, that no matter how much or how little you have, you will die poor. Why? Because when you die, you take nothing with you but the clothes you’re wearing. Everything that was yours like, your laptop, your house, your money, etc. stays and you leave with absolutely nothing. Hence, you die poor.
But still, enjoy what you have, because one day, you’ll loose it all!
Sometimes, I think about certain events. I think about situations in which, specific things can happen. For instance, that woman standing close to the subway train tracks.
I can just push her right now.
And nobody will notice, as there is nobody but us two in the subway station right now. It’s late at night, and I have to get home.
5 years ago, strange occurrences started to happen. I sometimes go unconscious. I black out.
I don’t know why it happens, though. I’ve gotten analyzed multiple times but, no answer. Everything seems to be fine with me, but when I regain consciousness, things are different. It’s like I wake up in another dimension or something. People are different, they’re sad. There’s commotion, people disappear, etc.
“Ugh, he’s such a looser!”
Jeez. This woman standing near the tracks is very annoying. She’s become quite notorious to me. She’s always here at this hour. Always talking to her friends about different boys and criticizing her own “friends” through her phone.
You know….there’s no one here at the moment. I can just…push her and walk off and nobody will notice.
Like when my girlfriend was to get married, I remember thinking about sending her boyfriend far away. I still loved her. One day I went dizzy in my flat and…when I woke up, he was gone! And nobody ever noticed he was missing until 3 days later when suspicion came. He never came back.
She cried for a month but, she fell into my arms once again and we are happily together. We never found out where her ex went though but, whatever. Good thing he’s gone.
….Ugh. This girl with her annoying, snotty voice.
…….Oh no. It’s starting to happen again. Everything is spinning around! I can’t pass out now! I’ll miss the-
…….
…..
……..
….Where am I? What happened? What’s the whole commotion about!? Oh no…
“Sir! Are you okay?”
…Wha-why are there paramedics and police officers here? Why is there yellow tape everywhere!? Why-
Oh no.
The annoying girl….
She got pushed into the subway tracks.
But…Oh. It must have happened while I was blacked out!
Failure is something that we have all ran into: Sports, exams, relationships, video games, competitions of any kind, etc. It’s really something that we cannot run away from forever. Sure, you can avoid certain events to avoid failure, but in the end, you can’t escape!
…Sadly.
Even if you say that you have never failed, you will. Sorry but, you will.
Will it hurt?
Maybe, yeah. Depends on how you take it. Most of the time we take failure as something very serious, we get sad and mad at ourselves, it can last for days. It’s an awful feeling, really. You feel embarrassed, ashamed, and overall not okay because maybe you’ve been preparing for that moment for such a long time for you to fail in the end.
I think that we’re afraid of failure because we don’t want to fail, no one does. We’re afraid that we’ll be left embarrassed and that what we worked hard for didn’t pay off in the end. We’re afraid because we don’t know what will happen if we fail. Even if you think about it, like, think about what will happen and realize that nothing will go wrong, we’re still afraid. We’re afraid to let people down, as well.
Then again, sometimes people don’t really teach us what to do when we fail.
We shouldn’t be afraid of failure, because it’s what will makes us strong. If we fail, we see our errors and we can work hard to fix them, to prepare ourselves further more. We should look at our past failures and see what they left us: Knowledge, skill, discipline, etc. What did you gain from it? Because by failing you do not loose something, you gain something.
None of us can go around saying that we have never failed, but we can all say that we have! You’re not the only failure, no worries. 🙂
Many successful people are successful because they failed in the past, but because they failed, they became stronger and learned from their mistakes and fixed them. And hence, that’s why they’re successful. Just gotta believe that one day you will achieve your goals and work hard for them! If you let yourself down constantly, you will never get to your finish line. If you trip and fall over then pick yourself up and keep on running.
Don’t let failure ruin you, let it make you bigger.
Failure leads to success. 🙂
Tomorrow I have a big event, I’ve been working for it for two years. I already had a chance at first, but I didn’t succeed. This time, I will succeed. 🙂
…I hope. xD
“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”
