2018? 2019!

Aaaaye it’s me again! I’ve been busy with some personal stuff but here I am to say a goodbye to 2018 on my blog and to welcome the new year!

Let’s see, this 2018 I feel like I didn’t post much, but hopefully I will in 2019. I wanna get stuff organized this new year to have time for everything that I want to do. I feel like I could have done many stuff this year but I’m happy with the way things always ended up to be, I had a nice year. ๐Ÿ™‚

Hope all of you out there too! Be grateful for everything that you have in your life; your friends and family, your home, work, school, whatever it is, be grateful for it. Take good care of yourselves! Remember to rest when you need to, work hard for your goals and try to stay positive through everything that the new year will bring you. You can do it. ๐Ÿ™‚

Thanks for reading my blog through this year, there will be more to come soon, I promise!

Have a good new year. ๐Ÿ™‚ โค

With love, me.

Orphans and Letters

Merry Christmas to all of you! This year I had a very unique Christmas, which is worth writing about and sharing on my blog.

As many of you know (or don’t know), I live in Mexico. I have been living here for 5 years. I love it here. ๐Ÿ™‚ Anyways, my sister’s elementary school is free for the kids that assist this local orphanage, meaning that children who live there can go to school there. In one of my sister’s class is a girl from that orphanage, who happens to be my sister’s best friend. We decided to visit her orphanage and pick her up so that she could spend Christmas with my family, become her foster family for a few days.

We went to her orphanage yesterday and we were greeted by lots of kids from there. To be honest, it broke my heart.

I have worked with children in the past, but those kids had someone that loved them and cared for them, but yesterday I was faced with another reality: Child abandonment.

In that orphanage are children who were taken away from their parents because of child abuse and neglect, children who were abandoned, children who’s own parents took them there because they didn’t have the economic resources and even kids who are there by their own will, as in, ran away from home.

Toddlers, kids, teenagers. All together living there. I have never visited such a place, which is why I felt very sad being there.

Kids are kids. What fault do they have in this world to be born different, or to just be born in general? I understand those who couldn’t take care financially of their kids, but the rest, why? Why throw away an innocent baby? Why abuse them? It is such a shame to me.

In my culture we do not get presents on Christmas. Last time I got a present on Christmas was when I was in the United States as in, 5 years ago. But yesterday that we went, Raul, a Mentally disabled child, gave me and my sisters each a hand written card.

It was our Christmas gift from him to us.

-“Hello people: How are you? I think you aren’t okay after the earthquake. Now there are people living on the streets and right now I’m sad looking at people cry for their homes or people on the streets but I know that they’re helping them with clothes, blankets, etc. but I know that they’re standing (going through) rainstorms, cold, heat, earthquakes, etc. but also some are sad because they lost their loved ones but they will always support you and have faith, goodbye.”-ย 

And it’s the best gift I have ever received.

The simplest things in life can make a very big difference. Always cherish and enjoy what you have because there are people in the world who do not have much and despite not having much, they are still very, very happy. Like the children in the orphanage. It is very heartwarming to see that those kids find happiness in the little that they have, and that they are filled with so much joy and love.

Remember to always receive and give love and remember that in the end, you don’t need the fancy, expensive things on Christmas to spend a great time. Have a proclivity for work, but also try to have one for those who can’t, for those who depend on others.

I have learned to appreciate that, and I hope that many people out there can too. ๐Ÿ™‚

I will be visiting the Orphanage again soon with my family, as we will be bringing them gifts and some food for them to celebrate El Dia de los Reyes Magos on January 6th, which is the holiday in which children of Mexico receive presents.

Hope you all had a merry Christmas.

With love,

-Karuchan. โค

My True Desires

Morning hits the road.

You and I, sitting in the backseat of my car.

Turning around to see you, staring at your dazzling eyes.

Run from everything.

Underneath the bed hides the black cat.

Escape.

Desires are what I have for you.

Emerald eyes.

Sun kissed skin.

In real life, did it all matter?

Run baby, run.

Eventually you’ll catch up.

So…what were your true desires?

Wind blowing in my hair, sitting on the beach.

In real life…what did happen on the beach?

Lust? No…

Loneliness.

Never to be seen again by your eyes.

Eternally yours.

Victory for you.

Every single day waiting for you to come home.

Resting on the bed.

Betsy sleeping by my side.

Everything in silence…

Papa, where’s mother?

Oh.

So then I realize.

So then I see.

I don’t have any desires for her.

But because of her..

Life took me into a golden cage.

Every day I wonder…

Are we even happy?

So….

Your desires?

Our desires?

Us?

Are you even for me?

Run away?

Escape?

No, as I notice that…

Our relationship was nothing but lies, also known as:

True desires.

False desires.

Oh.

Right now I noticed.

Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper…

Especially when there are true desires.

So, what are MY true desires?

Of course..

Running.

Running away from you with the kid.

You.

I’m sorry.

Life takes it’s turns.

Out of my reach.

Victory for none of us, but…

Everything will be fine.

You.

Out of my reach, as none of this will never happen.

Until the day I change, my true desires.

======================================================

Inspired by Grimes-My Wait is U. ๐Ÿ™‚

Sorry if this post doesn’t make sense, it’s kind of not supposed to.

Thanks for reading!

30 days of blogging- day 13? I’m starting to loose count…

 

……My true desire is to eat a nice slice of cheese pizza right now…

 

 

Is Valentines Day a Stupid Holiday?

Oh yay it’s that time of the year in which I say I love you to my mother and give her something to show her that I really love and appreciate her since ya’ know I don’t show it to her everyday until this day!

Okay, so Valentines day is a day in which love and affection towards friends and loved ones is celebrated by giving gifts, getting together, going out on a date, spending time with your family, etc.

But…can’t we do that some other day? Do we really have to just do that on Valentines Day?

No. If you want to give someone a gift because you love them, because you want them to know that you care about them and appreciate them, do it on some other day that isn’t Valentines day.

Why?

Because, if you do it on a random day, it can be a surprise for that person. It can be more meaningful to them because you didn’t give them something on a day that is meant for giving.

You did it on a day that you decided to show your affection.. Does it make sense?

Now, you CAN give a special loved one a gift or go out with them on Valentines Day if you feel like it. It is a day of love and you can take advantage of it and ask someone out or give a gift to someone with a “valid reason”.

So, in the end, I don’t know.

What would you like more:

Receive on Valentines Day, or on a random Monday?

I think that both would make me happy, what about you?

So, is it a stupid holiday? Personally, I don’t really think any holiday is stupid. It’s better to get into the festive spirit and join in on the fun or just watch it all than to be complaining about it all day long!

It’s only a day, you can go through it.

Anywho, thanks for reading. ๐Ÿ™‚

valentines-day-memes_11
omg (Source)

He Isn’t Real: A Letter to My Lonely Self.

Dear Karuchan,

Hey. I know how you feel.

But you have to accept it. He isn’t worth it. He doesn’t deserve you. He isn’t real. He’s what’s killing you on the inside. I know that sometimes we take back from a risk, but it’s because a beautiful dream is better than a dark reality.

But even a beautiful dream can hurt.

I know that you would do anything for him, you have proven it. But has he done it for you?

I know that you dream of him.

But he doesn’t exist. The only reason you created such a beautiful image in your head is so that you wouldn’t feel so damn lonely. So rejected, so depressed.

But it’s not real, Karuchan. It’s not real. He’s not real. He will never be real. Get over it. It’s not your fault, it’s his.

He did this to you. It was all a perfect illusion and it still is. Forget it. I know that you believe that maybe all of this is happening because if you just had the damn courage to tell him, things would go the way you imagined them. I know that you believe that you are currently suffering because maybe it’s the way that life wants to tell you that he does feel the same way about you.

But he doesn’t.

You’re not his type honey, sorry.

He wears you like an item of clothing. He wraps your hair around his neck like a scarf, he locks his hands with yours like gloves, he throws your arms over him like a sweater, then he takes it all off.

I know that you try and go on like nothing ever happened. It won’t work. You’re just killing yourself with sadness. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t even remember you. Look at what he did?

He made you believe that he was into you, you let yourself go without realizing. Now you can’t leave. How many times did he break up with his girlfriend and made you believe that he did it for you? He got back with her even though she’s a slut, even though she only cares about herself, never appreciates anything that he does for her.

Meanwhile you’re always standing behind him ready for action, ready for whatever he needs.

It’s sad when you like someone, when you’re always watching after them making sure that they’re okay but they don’t even notice you. Like how they say,

“You notice everybody except the person who cares for you”

And it’s true.

Look at you? Pathetic.

I wish that you had the damn courage to go up to him and tell him everything that you feel. That you don’t want him, that he can stay with his girlfriend. You want him to be happy, so let him stay with her. If every time they break up and get back together, that just means that he feels happy with her, not with anyone else. Let him be, let him go.

I wish you had the courage to just forget that it ever happened.

I want you to go on. Don’t let him do this to you. It’s just damaging you. It’s making you fall apart.

It hurt’s to see you smile.

Especially when you’re giving your smile and your laugh to him.

It hurts me whenever I see you looking at him.

Whenever you’re giving him your time and attention.

I know that you don’t really have anybody to talk to, no one understands. You’ve always been lonely on the inside, anyways. I know that you wish that you had somebody to talk to, someone who won’t reply with “It’s okay”. Yes, I know that you appreciate those who do help you out even if it’s just a bit, but you wish that you had someone to say this to, someone that could hear you, someone that could help you.

You don’t.

Which is why you’re writing a letter to yourself right now.

Such a beautiful, smart, happy, cheerful person like you.

Turns out to be a dead, lonely and sad girl on the inside.

I know that you don’t show your sadness to anybody, or else they would worry. You don’t want anybody to worry about you, so you always say that you’re okay.

I know that you’re not the selfish, egoist type. You’re always thinking about the others, you come in last. You don’t want people to worry and feel sad because of you, ย you don’t want them to know or else they wouldn’t feel happy. You want happiness for everyone but..

What about yourself?

Do you want happiness for yourself?

Get over it. Get over him. He isn’t real, his love for you isn’t real, it was just an illusion. He just took your heart and played with it. Forget about him.

Forget about him.

And I promise you that you’ll be okay.

Don’t worry honey, just go to bed now. Cry it all out once again like you do whenever you can’t repress your emotions no longer.

I know that you have a bit of emotional problems, but please don’t let them take over your life. Please, I beg you. I want you to be okay.

So for the last time, I want you to cry out all the things you feel caused by him. Keep in mind that this will be for the last time.ย 

And no more.

He isn’t real.

Just forget about it.

He doesn’t care about you.

He doesn’t deserve your attention.

He isn’t the one for you.

Don’t let it build up inside you any longer.

Just let it all go.

I know that you still won’t get the courage to tell him, and I will not force you to tell him. Do it all at it’s time, do it when you feel ready.

It’s the best you can do.

…..Honestly, I recommend that you don’t tell him. You’re too….sensitive. You’re strong in mind but weak at heart.

You will just end up getting hurt.

He makes you sad, he makes you mad, he makes you disappointed. I know you have no one. Just hold on a little bit longer, I promise you that things will get better if you just stay strong. Don’t let him take you over.

“I’ll do it for you”.

This time, do it for yourself.

Sincerely,

ย Yourself.ย 

:v

Let’s Go Hiking

Hike up the mountain.

Let’s see what we can find!

On our way, throw the trail mix!

We don’t want to get lost.

Careful with the rocks and sticks, you can trip and fall off a cliff.

Hiking up the mountain together.

Left foot right foot left foot right foot…

Here, hold my hand, I’ll help you up this high trail.

The air is getting colder.

Let’s set up a tent.

Start a fire.

And hug each other.

But don’t get the wrong idea,

I do not love you.

So why don’t we end our little hike here?

Here, I’ll kick you down the steep trail I helped you up.

And I ate all the trail mix.

So good luck getting back to reality,

As you will be here for a while.

I hope you trip over the rocks and sticks on the way.

I hope you think about me all day and cry about me all night.

As you sleep alone sitting under a tree.

Sitting in the cold, cold wind.

Embracing yourself.

Because I won’t embrace you.

“We’re only friends!”

Yeah, but you were the one who decided to leave.

And get lost within me.

So let’s take a hike.

But this time you will go alone.

Since I went up friendship mountain.

But you decided to go further.

I’m sorry, but I’m not stupid.

I will not cause my own suffering,

But you’re a bit dumb, you can die out there.

So in the end, I’m worrying about you.

Maybe I do like you?

Nah, I don’t.

I’m sorry for playing around with your emotions.

But I love to see how your dark eyes twinkle.

And how you would smile…

And how your cheeks would turn red…

And the feeling of your soft hands…

And the look of innocence in your face…

How beautiful.

Hmm, maybe I do like you.

Well, I’ll accept it.

And I’ll go on a hike with you.

Beyond our friendship.

So I’ll take in bravery

And go to you.

…Oh dear.

I forgot you left.

Oh, but I want to be with you now.

Oh no, you went home without me.

You found your way out!

I’ll just follow the trail mix-

I ate it.

It’s getting cold.

So I’ll just stay here under this tree and sleep,

Hoping that you will come back for me.

I love you, I’m so sorry for turning you down.

I love you, I’m so sorry for always neglecting you,

When you were always there for me.

Standing next to me and always keeping an eye on me, not like other people.

I’m sorry for being rude to you, I’m sorry for playing around with you, I’m sorry for ignoring you, I’m sorry for not helping you, I’m sorry for using you.

You were always the one that was there for me.

And I was stupid.

I was blind.

I wasn’t paying attention.

It is true what they say-We are all paying attention to everyone except for that one person.

And now I beg you to come back.

I have tripped over sticks and stones.

But I still have hope that you will come back for me.

Please forgive me.

Please come back.

I need you now.

Like how you needed me.

Remember?

I need you to take me home.

So I’ll just sit here and wait.

Wait for you to come to me.

Just like how you came to me in silence.

And never told me a thing until now.

I’ll just wait here under this tree.

In the cold.

What is this?

It’s a raisin from the trail mix.

……

And suddenly,

I know you’re thinking about me.

 

Love sucks.

I hate you.

But I also can’t forget about you.

Oh well, I always knew you weren’t for me.

So let’s just stay as friends.

But don’t hold my hand anymore.

Don’t hug me anymore.

Go and hug your true lover.

Because I was never too good for you, was I?

“I love you”, yeah, sure.

Oh well, I hope you’re happy.

I’ll just let you be happy, ok?

And I won’t get in your way anymore.

So we can just end it all here.

Now.

Love sucks.

I wish I had the courage to tell you.

I wish you the best,

Have fun.

 

 

 

Plastic Slogger

Oh, look it’s my hopes and dreams!

Wow, how bright and real do they look!

Ah, they will come true?

But I got to work hard for it? Ok!

No problem!

All I have to do is work hard, really hard!

I’ll just count the hours that pass by.

One…two…three..four…four hours have passed.

The place I’m working at is closing.

I’ll call it a day.

Oh, look! I’m dreaming about my dreams!

Inception?

I must work hard for them! I have hopes for them!

I must do it, because it is what I want.

one…two…three…I want a break, I’ve been standing here for too long.

Hm, who is this?

Ah, someone new!

A party? Sure!

Dress me up for the occasion, baby!

I’ll show you the perfect thing to wear to it!

She loved it.

Another satisfied customer!

I am really working hard!

I dreamed about my dreams again.

But today I have to skip work, it’s not my shift.

Someone else is coming in to do my job today.

So I’ll just stay here, in the dark and wait for tomorrow. I have nothing better to do.

One…two….I’m tired.

I feel like I’m going to faint…

Oh no…I’m falling over…

…I’m up.

My coworkers picked me up.

Thank you!

Well, it’s been fun to mess around, but time for what I want!

One….two….three…Oh well, people think it’s stupid anyways.

No one ever hears me.

No one ever listens to me.

No one stops to ask me if I’m okay.

One…two…oh no, all the hope I had flew away in just two hours.

Well, now what?

I have nothing better to do.

Well, I actually do, so…

Why not do it?

One….ah.

I’ll just stop trying.

It’s useless, my hopes and dreams are impossible!

People see my face in expensive clothing stores.

All I do is let people use me.

Fashion designers use me to advertise their clothes.

Makeup artist use me as a mask for their expensive line of cosmetics.

Hair stylist use me as a styling wig.

But I’m nothing more than a living mannequin.

Why do I have this?

All I wanted was to be happy.

All I wanted was my hopes and dreams.

All I wanted was to see the outside world.

All I wanted was to live like a normal person.

All I wanted…

Was to be a human.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/slog/

Hello, this is the first time I post in about a week I think, not sure. I’ve been busy but I always find a time for my blog, and that time was given to me today. ๐Ÿ™‚ Hope you enjoyed!

So according to my knowledge, slog is to work hard for many hours so..ya’ know, a mannequin that works super hard for many many hours in a store and that doesn’t really progress? I guess it can do the trick? I don’t know.

Me and my imagination. :v