Self Harm Is For Losers Like Me

Hello! Today I would like to talk about something from my past, as it is now affecting one of my friends. Yes, I used to self harm. Under my uniform’s sleeve hid lots of scars.

I was 13 years old when I started to self harm after the suicide of my dearest of dearest, I felt guilty as I was the last person who my friend spoke to, we laughed, sang, it all seemed normal. Sadly, I was too stupid to realize that for about a week he was hinting his suicide at me. I did not realize it until the last second when he said his plans to me.

He promised he was joking, though. So I didn’t take him seriously.

Well, he wasn’t joking.

Feeling the guilt I started to self harm and I fell into a deep depression.

I would wear a uniform to school that consisted of a long sleeve shirt. With my P.E. uniform, which was a short sleeve shirt, I would hide my scars under these long, bracelet cuffs like the one shown here.bracelt

Yep. I would cut my wrists. My parents didn’t know, my friends didn’t know either. From the outside I was the happy cheerful little Karu-chan always running around but inside I was sad.

I eventually stopped, after I found myself in the pathetic situation in which I had stomped desperately on a pencil sharpener until I broke it in order to get the blade out. I was hiding out in the last bathroom stall about to drag it down my wrist when I said:

“No. Stop it. ”

It was hard, but I stopped. I looked up ways to stop on the internet and I found this method where I would snap rubber bands against my wrists whenever I felt like cutting myself.

Is that method dangerous? Yes. But the point of it was, replacing the pain with another pain and gradually reduce that pain until I no longer needed it. Maybe it wasn’t the best way, maybe there were other methods that I could have tried, but I went with the first thing that popped up as I was desperate.

In the end, this was all unnecessary. I could have avoided many things, yet I couldn’t and not accepting it brought me to what I would do.

I found myself in the situation where my friend who may rest in peace used to be in, the which I helped him through. Yup, I stopped him from hurting himself as well but in the end I did the same exact thing.

I know that he didn’t want me to do that, it wasn’t the right thing. But I did it anyways.

“I have a blade named cat. Cat scratches my wrists”

In the end, the point here is: Don’t.

There are other ways to solve your issues, baby. Don’t hurt yourself as it will lead to nothing but death. Instead, do what I didn’t do: Talk to someone. And if you’re scared of talking to someone which was my case, talk to yourself. Look at yourself and realize that you do not deserve the pain that you’re putting yourself through.

My friend’s into self harm because his parents discovered his homosexuality. It’s a stupid reason to harm yourself. So what if you like the same gender as you?

There are people who harm themselves because of your words. Because remember that your words hurt more than your actions, okay? Be careful who you offend, who you insult because you don’t know what goes on inside them, what goes on at home, in their lives.

And remember that no matter what, your life is precious. There are people who are wishing to survive, who go to sleep every night scared that it will be their last. Meanwhile here you are doing what you’re doing when it’s completely unnecessary.

People who self harm are losers. They’re losers because they’re scared to go on, they’re afraid. They go to self harm because they feel that it’s the only way out, that it’s the right thing to do, but it’s not.

A loser looses.

A winner, wins.

I was a loser for cutting myself. Now I’m a winner. Why? Because I was able to win against my situation, and I moved on.

So if I can do it, why can’t you? You just gotta get up, you can’t stay on the floor forever and let people step on you! You gotta get up, walk forward and pick up anybody who is on the floor.

If you’re into self harm or someone you know is, please, please, seek professional help. I am no professional, this is just my case. I don’t advise you try the rubber band method as it is dangerous since your blood veins can get swollen and explode. Please, seek other ways, there are many methods out there and many people who are willing to help you or the person that you know.

It is now my goal to stop my gay friend from his self harm. Don’t worry, I’m already working on it. 🙂

Thank you for reading.

-Karuchan

Should We Be Afraid Of Failure?

So…should we?

Failure is something that we have all ran into: Sports, exams, relationships, video games, competitions of any kind, etc. It’s really something that we cannot run away from forever. Sure, you can avoid certain events to avoid failure, but in the end, you can’t escape!

…Sadly.

Even if you say that you have never failed, you will. Sorry but, you will.

Will it hurt?

Maybe, yeah. Depends on how you take it. Most of the time we take failure as something very serious, we get sad and mad at ourselves, it can last for days. It’s an awful feeling, really. You feel embarrassed, ashamed, and overall not okay because maybe you’ve been preparing for that moment for such a long time for you to fail in the end.

I think that we’re afraid of failure because we don’t want to fail, no one does. We’re afraid that we’ll be left embarrassed and that what we worked hard for didn’t pay off in the end. We’re afraid because we don’t know what will happen if we fail. Even if you think about it, like, think about what will happen and realize that nothing will go wrong, we’re still afraid. We’re afraid to let people down, as well.

Then again, sometimes people don’t really teach us what to do when we fail.

We shouldn’t be afraid of failure, because it’s what will makes us strong. If we fail, we see our errors and we can work hard to fix them, to prepare ourselves further more. We should look at our past failures and see what they left us: Knowledge, skill, discipline, etc. What did you gain from it? Because by failing you do not loose something, you gain something.

None of us can go around saying that we have never failed, but we can all say that we have! You’re not the only failure, no worries. 🙂

Many successful people are successful because they failed in the past, but because they failed, they became stronger and learned from their mistakes and fixed them. And hence, that’s why they’re successful. Just gotta believe that one day you will achieve your goals and work hard for them! If you let yourself down constantly, you will never get to your finish line. If you trip and fall over then pick yourself up and keep on running.

Don’t let failure ruin you, let it make you bigger.

Failure leads to success. 🙂

Tomorrow I have a big event, I’ve been working for it for two years. I already had a chance at first, but I didn’t succeed. This time, I will succeed. 🙂

…I hope. xD

“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”

– Denis Waitley

Art Of Le Week-Week 5

I think It’s week 5? Anyways, look at this weeks drawing! Perfect for the holiday, eh?

art5.jpg

This Week’s are is done by Loputyn on DeviantArt. Why did I choose this as this weeks art? Well, because why not? Look at it! It’s creepy but cute, seems right to me. Sometimes we gotta consider different measures and appreciate things that seem weird. It is art after all, art is supposed to be whatever we want it to be.

And also, a skeletal bunny in a broken egg is not something you would expect for Easter, you would expect something cute, right? Not me.

This Artist, has amazing art. From what I can tell, her art is usually kind of, different in her own way. Some are creepy, some are cute, some make you think, but they all capture your attention. Especially the color scheme she uses. They’re not bright colors, usually she uses pastel/light and dull colors which make her illustrations stand out more.

Credit/ Social Media of creator:

*Make sure to check more of her work out!*

Post: Happy Easter by Loputyn

DA: Loputyn

Prints: Art Prints

Tumblr: Loputyn on Tumblr

Song A Day Challenge- Day 2: Spit it Out

So today’s song is by IAMX. Spit it Out.

A bit of the lyrics:
And if you’re hurting
I will replace the noise
With silence instead
Flushing out your head
If you like it violent
We can play rough and tumble
Fall into bed
And I won’t breathe so you can recover
When you’re in pieces
Just follow the echo of my voice
It’s okay
Tune into that frequency
Don’t fight your reflex
Embrace the instinct
You can feel your way
Through the bed and weak face in the end
Soooo to me this song talks about love? As in, a man will always be there for a woman and a woman for a man no matter what, even when bad times come around. I don’t know, this song is one of those types of songs that make you feel lonely because no one loves you.
Too harsh? Sorry. I meant as in like, a romantic relationship. I mean you do have someone that loves you we all do but-well whatever you get the point, right? Well, the point is, it brings lots of emotions to me. The sound, the lyrics, Chris Corners voice, everything just kinda ties together nicely.
It’s a great song for my ears! Hope you can enjoy it too!
It’s 11:30 pm, I should be sleeping.

Song A Day Challenge-Day 1: Oblivion

So I was challenged my ManvsLoneliness to post a song each day! Now, if you have sticked around, you know I  have a veeery diverse taste in music. So let’s do this! So, from my understandings, it will be a total of 5 songs posted for 5 days as in, one song per day for 5 days. You gotta share the lyrics or a bit of the lyrics and write down the meaning that they have for you. 🙂

We’re starting off with Grimes- Oblivion. One of my most favorite songs by Grimes, who is a synthpop artist. Ahh, such loveliness. I have spoken about her multiple times on this blog and lots of my post have been inspired by her music. Anyways, Oblivion is a song with a bit of an 80’s, maybe 90’s vibe and sound to it.

Oblivion is a song with lots of meaning, it talks about how Grimes was able to overcome her sexual assault that caused her a fear towards men, reason why in the music video she is around many men (Video is down at the bottom!). The song was her way of getting her fear out of her life. The music is so bright and happy but the lyrics let you know that it’s not all happy.

To me this song means that you cannot live in fear forever. You gotta come out one day, because even though your room may seem dark and cold, out there is a world filled with light and sun. Don’t let something take over your life, use it to make you stronger. Overcome your fears, don’t be afraid to do so and if you need help, ask. Speak up. Don’t be afraid to tell someone to help you back up. Sometimes we can’t do things ourselves so we look for help.

Life has to keep on going, you cannot just give up.

Lyrics: 

I never walk about, after dark, It’s my point of view
‘Cause someone could break your neck.
Coming up behind you, always coming and you’d never have a clue.
I never look behind, all the time
I will wait forever,
always looking straight. Thinking, counting, all the hours you wait.
See you on a dark night
See you on a dark night
See you on a dark night
See you on a dark night
And now another clue, I would ask, if you could help me out?
It’s hard to understand,’Cause when you’re running by yourself It’s hard to find someone to hold your hand.
And now it’s good to be tough on me
But I will wait forever
I need someone else to look into my eyes and tell me Girl you know you gotta watch your health
To look into my eyes and tell me La la la la la To look into my eyes and tell me La la la la la La la la la la La la la la la

You just gotta love this girl. xD She’s one of the few artist to always have something unique. All her songs sound different from each other and they can even range from genres. Like, she has a song that’s more of a pop song and then she has a song that’s more on the electronic type music. Actually, that song, the electronic one, was originally written by her for Rihanna but she rejected the song. Good thing she did! Because Grimes decided to sing it herself and damn, beautiful. The song is called GO for anybody that is interested. ^^

Anyways, before I end up writing down her whole biography or list of songs, it’s best to end this post here! Thanks for ManvsLoneliness for challenging me! Make sure to check out his blog for his 5 songs and why not read some of his other posts?

And I would love to see Benjamin from PBIY do this little challenge 😛

Too Sad To Write

😦 I wanted to write something about today’s daily prompt like a nice little funny story or something sweet and fun but I’m just not in the mood.

Oh well, maybe tomorrow I’ll feel better.

It’s amazing how problems can put you down so quickly. Even the most minimal, worthless, stupidest problems. Jeez.

I just can’t take it sometimes.

I hang out with friends like any other person my age but, that’s the problem. I hang out with 3 people, from those 3 two are gals and sigh. Why is it us females that get so worked up?

It’s ridiculous how such a stupid little problem can cause friends to get mad at each other, not talk to each other. And what’s the worst? That I’m just in between and they expect me to fix all of their issues.

It reminds of when I was in 5th grade, my two friends were mad at each other and I had each one of them tugging on my arms fighting over who I was going to hang out with. What am I a teddy bear?

After I sorted everything out one of them said “haha, you’re the glue that sticks us together!”.

Dammit, I am.

It just bothers me. Instead of my friends fixing their own issues, it’s me who gets so worked out at the end and I’m the one who has to deal with their anger issues and their bad attitudes when I didn’t even do anything. All that just to see us back together.

I just…I get frustrated. I have spent NIGHTS thinking of ways to make everybody happy again.

But why do I do it? Because I’m the one who cares. If I didn’t care I would just pick sides and do nothing. Ah, but since I do care because I don’t like to see my friends mad at each other, I’m the one that deals with everything.

And even if I do pick sides because maybe one friend has a valid reason for me to do so, I still feel obligated to do something about the whole issue.

It makes me sad to see friends separated over literally the most INSIGNIFICANT problems ever.

But oh well. Guess I’ll be having a little talk with them tomorrow. I mean, if I don’t do it, who will?

No one.