Self Harm Is For Losers Like Me

Hello! Today I would like to talk about something from my past, as it is now affecting one of my friends. Yes, I used to self harm. Under my uniform’s sleeve hid lots of scars.

I was 13 years old when I started to self harm after the suicide of my dearest of dearest, I felt guilty as I was the last person who my friend spoke to, we laughed, sang, it all seemed normal. Sadly, I was too stupid to realize that for about a week he was hinting his suicide at me. I did not realize it until the last second when he said his plans to me.

He promised he was joking, though. So I didn’t take him seriously.

Well, he wasn’t joking.

Feeling the guilt I started to self harm and I fell into a deep depression.

I would wear a uniform to school that consisted of a long sleeve shirt. With my P.E. uniform, which was a short sleeve shirt, I would hide my scars under these long, bracelet cuffs like the one shown here.bracelt

Yep. I would cut my wrists. My parents didn’t know, my friends didn’t know either. From the outside I was the happy cheerful little Karu-chan always running around but inside I was sad.

I eventually stopped, after I found myself in the pathetic situation in which I had stomped desperately on a pencil sharpener until I broke it in order to get the blade out. I was hiding out in the last bathroom stall about to drag it down my wrist when I said:

“No. Stop it. ”

It was hard, but I stopped. I looked up ways to stop on the internet and I found this method where I would snap rubber bands against my wrists whenever I felt like cutting myself.

Is that method dangerous? Yes. But the point of it was, replacing the pain with another pain and gradually reduce that pain until I no longer needed it. Maybe it wasn’t the best way, maybe there were other methods that I could have tried, but I went with the first thing that popped up as I was desperate.

In the end, this was all unnecessary. I could have avoided many things, yet I couldn’t and not accepting it brought me to what I would do.

I found myself in the situation where my friend who may rest in peace used to be in, the which I helped him through. Yup, I stopped him from hurting himself as well but in the end I did the same exact thing.

I know that he didn’t want me to do that, it wasn’t the right thing. But I did it anyways.

“I have a blade named cat. Cat scratches my wrists”

In the end, the point here is: Don’t.

There are other ways to solve your issues, baby. Don’t hurt yourself as it will lead to nothing but death. Instead, do what I didn’t do: Talk to someone. And if you’re scared of talking to someone which was my case, talk to yourself. Look at yourself and realize that you do not deserve the pain that you’re putting yourself through.

My friend’s into self harm because his parents discovered his homosexuality. It’s a stupid reason to harm yourself. So what if you like the same gender as you?

There are people who harm themselves because of your words. Because remember that your words hurt more than your actions, okay? Be careful who you offend, who you insult because you don’t know what goes on inside them, what goes on at home, in their lives.

And remember that no matter what, your life is precious. There are people who are wishing to survive, who go to sleep every night scared that it will be their last. Meanwhile here you are doing what you’re doing when it’s completely unnecessary.

People who self harm are losers. They’re losers because they’re scared to go on, they’re afraid. They go to self harm because they feel that it’s the only way out, that it’s the right thing to do, but it’s not.

A loser looses.

A winner, wins.

I was a loser for cutting myself. Now I’m a winner. Why? Because I was able to win against my situation, and I moved on.

So if I can do it, why can’t you? You just gotta get up, you can’t stay on the floor forever and let people step on you! You gotta get up, walk forward and pick up anybody who is on the floor.

If you’re into self harm or someone you know is, please, please, seek professional help. I am no professional, this is just my case. I don’t advise you try the rubber band method as it is dangerous since your blood veins can get swollen and explode. Please, seek other ways, there are many methods out there and many people who are willing to help you or the person that you know.

It is now my goal to stop my gay friend from his self harm. Don’t worry, I’m already working on it. 🙂

Thank you for reading.

-Karuchan

The Effects Of Music In Us

Ah, you know that one song that you would cry yourself to sleep with? Or the one that made you feel like running outside and dancing? Yep, we all know those songs.

Don’t we?

Music is sound. It’s waves of noise, that’s all it is. Music doesn’t exist *physically*. You cannot touch it, you cannot see it. You can represent it with notes I guess, but, it’s just a representation, isn’t it? You can play an instrument, sing, whatever.

But, music is nothing but sound. audio3

Beautiful sound.

So beautiful that it can cause emotions in us that we don’t understand.

We all have that one song that makes us feel sad, happy, mad, confused. In my case, I have songs that by listening to them I’ve realized things like “…shit I have a crush on him” or “Ah I’m an idiot”, you get the picture, right?

“You only hear the music when your heart begins to break”
                                                            -MCR, The Kids From Yesterday

 

But the point here is:

Music makes you feel.

But, why? Why can music do this?

Okay, let’s get explaining!

We human beings (yes, that includes you too) have this thing in us called Serotonin. Now, Serotonin is believed to be a magical thing. You know why? Because Serotonin is thought to be what makes us feel. It can make you feel love, mad, sad, happy, depressed, sexual desire, sleepy, hunger/appetite and all that stuff. It also has to do with your pain receptor, if I recall correctly. Serotonin is commonly known as the ‘Happy brain chemical”.

Now, when you listen to a song, it can make you feel lots of stuff. According to scientific research, If a song makes you feel happy, it’s because the song you’re listening to made your Serotonin levels increase. Now, if you’re listening to a song that makes you feel sad, your Serotonin, decreased.

Basically, songs affect your serotonin levels which are the ones that are said to be in charge of your mood. In fact, many anti-depressants contain this chemical. A large portion of this chemical is located in the nervous system.

Music traces our mood through our ears. When you listen to a song that you love, it makes you feel amazing, it makes you feel happy, you’re in a good state, or maybe it makes you feel sad or like going on a freaking rampage.

Music can make you feel empowered, crazy, wild, calm, etc. In fact, it can even trigger memories or thoughts, reflections.audio1

Take for instance, this song here by one of my all-time favorite Musical Artist- Grimes. What does it make you feel?

To me, it makes me feel relaxed.

Music can even inspire you, which is my case:

I can listen to a song, it will give me a certain mood, and I will start to interpret the song as an image that I will lay out on paper. To help, I listen to the song that inspired me while drawing, so that the image I’m creating won’t get lost.

Actually, lots of my blog posts are inspired by songs too, like this post. 🙂

Music plays a major role when it comes to feelings, at least in my view. People write songs for others when in love, they dance to them when the music gets to their bones, they use songs to relate to each other, they use them to confess feelings to others, they use them to make fun of people, to express a statement, etc.

Send shivers down my spine 

Make my eyes water

Give my ears your vibrations 

And make me open my eyes to your words.

Aaaah, I love this.

But sometimes it’s just not the music itself that gives you the feels, it can also be the music videos. The visuals, styles, images depicted, etc. Take for instance this music video by Melanie Martinez, a singer and songwriter who is very unique in all her ways.

*Warning! If you’re a bit squeamish towards blood and um… skin getting peeled off of someone for plastic surgery, then, there’s a small scene in this where that happens so, just to let ya know!

What did that one make you feel? Did it make you think? Reflect? Remember?

In fact, I met a psychologist once that gave an MP3 player to one of his young patients since music would help him with his social anxiety and, so far it’s working. 🙂

Music in the end, it has many effects on us. It can make us go and do stuff, say stuff, act a certain way, feel many things and much, much more.

What do you think?

Anyways, I hope that this made sense!

====================What type of music do I like?============================== 

I’m into some kinda different styles of music from what you hear on the radio. I love Synthpop, Synthwave (Gotta thank ManvsLoneliness for introducing the genre to me!). Really recommend those two genres, it gives you an 80’s-90’s feel!

I also love Heavy Metal music, Slipknot being my favorite. But my number one favorite band is Pierce The Veil, which is a post-hardcore band.

for modern everyday Pop, Lady Gaga is my all-time favorite since childhood. There are many other singers like Melanie Martinez, Kimbra and more that have songs that I enjoy too.

I can enjoy some Hip Hop and Rap songs as well, especially the ones with a thousand swear words in them, those are perfect for singing at school during classes!

Thank you for reading~

-Karuchan90 ❤

 

Quote Of The Week

“Live rich, die poor”

-Someone Somewhere

I saw it on tv lol. The case here is, that no matter how much or how little you have, you will die poor. Why? Because when you die, you take nothing with you but the clothes you’re wearing. Everything that was yours like, your laptop, your house, your money, etc. stays and you leave with absolutely nothing. Hence, you die poor.

But still, enjoy what you have, because one day, you’ll loose it all!

 

Sometimes I think About Certain Events

Sometimes, I think about certain events. I think about situations in which, specific things can happen. For instance, that woman standing close to the subway train tracks.

I can just push her right now. 

And nobody will notice, as there is nobody but us two in the subway station right now. It’s late at night, and I have to get home.

5 years ago, strange occurrences started to happen. I sometimes go unconscious. I black out.

I don’t know why it happens, though. I’ve gotten analyzed multiple times but, no answer. Everything seems to be fine with me, but when I regain consciousness, things are different. It’s like I wake up in another dimension or something. People are different, they’re sad. There’s commotion, people disappear, etc.

“Ugh, he’s such a looser!”

Jeez. This woman standing near the tracks is very annoying. She’s become quite notorious to me. She’s always here at this hour. Always talking to her friends about different boys and criticizing her own “friends” through her phone.

You know….there’s no one here at the moment. I can just…push her and walk off and nobody will notice.

Like when my girlfriend was to get married, I remember thinking about sending her boyfriend far away. I still loved her. One day I went dizzy in my flat and…when I woke up, he was gone! And nobody ever noticed he was missing until 3 days later when suspicion came. He never came back.

She cried for a month but, she fell into my arms once again and we are happily together. We never found out where her ex went though but, whatever. Good thing he’s gone.

….Ugh. This girl with her annoying, snotty voice.

…….Oh no. It’s starting to happen again. Everything is spinning around! I can’t pass out now! I’ll miss the-

…….

…..

……..

….Where am I? What happened? What’s the whole commotion about!? Oh no…

“Sir! Are you okay?”

…Wha-why are there paramedics and police officers here? Why is there yellow tape everywhere!? Why-

Oh no.

The annoying girl….

She got pushed into the subway tracks.

But…Oh. It must have happened while I was blacked out!

Sigh….I wonder who would do such an awful thing.

I know I thought of it.

But I would never do such thing.

===============================================================

Hey-yo! Been a while since I last posted, aye? I haven’t the time but in the end, I’ll always find time for what I love.

it’s also been months since I wrote a story of some sort so, I decided to get back to it!

Hope you enjoyed!! 🙂

Thanks for reading~* ^^

I’ll Chase You Around

” I’ll chase you around, ya know.

Don’t care how long it takes me to get there, but I’ll do it.

I’ll pursue you like how I pursue happiness.

I’ll make sure to count your every heartbeat.

I’ll make sure your breathing in and out.

I’ll make sure to guard you whenever you stop.

Only thing you will ever have to worry about is running into me.

Need to go somewhere? I’m going!

You won’t run fast, as I run faster.

I just love you, that’s all.

Hope you don’t mind! ”

-My neighbors dog the other day.

He chased me.

Should We Be Afraid Of Failure?

So…should we?

Failure is something that we have all ran into: Sports, exams, relationships, video games, competitions of any kind, etc. It’s really something that we cannot run away from forever. Sure, you can avoid certain events to avoid failure, but in the end, you can’t escape!

…Sadly.

Even if you say that you have never failed, you will. Sorry but, you will.

Will it hurt?

Maybe, yeah. Depends on how you take it. Most of the time we take failure as something very serious, we get sad and mad at ourselves, it can last for days. It’s an awful feeling, really. You feel embarrassed, ashamed, and overall not okay because maybe you’ve been preparing for that moment for such a long time for you to fail in the end.

I think that we’re afraid of failure because we don’t want to fail, no one does. We’re afraid that we’ll be left embarrassed and that what we worked hard for didn’t pay off in the end. We’re afraid because we don’t know what will happen if we fail. Even if you think about it, like, think about what will happen and realize that nothing will go wrong, we’re still afraid. We’re afraid to let people down, as well.

Then again, sometimes people don’t really teach us what to do when we fail.

We shouldn’t be afraid of failure, because it’s what will makes us strong. If we fail, we see our errors and we can work hard to fix them, to prepare ourselves further more. We should look at our past failures and see what they left us: Knowledge, skill, discipline, etc. What did you gain from it? Because by failing you do not loose something, you gain something.

None of us can go around saying that we have never failed, but we can all say that we have! You’re not the only failure, no worries. 🙂

Many successful people are successful because they failed in the past, but because they failed, they became stronger and learned from their mistakes and fixed them. And hence, that’s why they’re successful. Just gotta believe that one day you will achieve your goals and work hard for them! If you let yourself down constantly, you will never get to your finish line. If you trip and fall over then pick yourself up and keep on running.

Don’t let failure ruin you, let it make you bigger.

Failure leads to success. 🙂

Tomorrow I have a big event, I’ve been working for it for two years. I already had a chance at first, but I didn’t succeed. This time, I will succeed. 🙂

…I hope. xD

“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”

– Denis Waitley

Good Artist Copy; Great Artist Steal

As said by Steve Jobs, “Good Artist Copy; Great Artist Steal”.

And it’s true, sometimes.

What do you think? Is it true? Is it not? Sometimes?

Look, take it this way:

A news reporter does a story, another copies it and gets a good story. Meanwhile, if the news reporter were to steal the story, maybe he/she would get a great story? If the original author of the story publishes his/her story, he/her would be only a good reporter, Since the one who stole the story, is already the great one.

Does it make sense?

Or a singer- Copies another singers song, gets a good song. If the singer steals a song though, top hit. Meanwhile the original singer, if he/she releases something similar or the same song, it would be copying, because the other singer is already ahead.

Not always will this be the case, though. There are many great artist out there who are where they are because of their own, original work, they never saw the need to steal or copy from anybody for their own success.

But, then there’s other people, who to get from the roots of the tree to the leaves closer to the sun, copy somebody else’s work, or even steal it if necessary.

Hey, some people will do anything to get to the top. In Steve Jobs case, he stole the computer mouse from Xerox because it was exactly what he needed. After adding the computer mouse to his work, he fulfilled his needs and then received all the credit for the invention of the computer mouse.

But in reality, he didn’t create it.

Which is the next case-

If you steal somebodies work, claim it as yours, the person who is actually responsible for the work will never receive any credit or recognition of any kind. Maybe they will, but all the attention will be centered on the person who stole the work anyways.

So….what makes a good artist?

Their originality? Their ideas? Their creations?

Yep.

But…what if it isn’t even theirs?

What if they just copied it from someone else, or even stole it all?

But why would they do that?

Maybe because what they needed, someone else had it, so they decided to take it away from them, hey, it’s the easiest solution, right?

But is it truly the right solution?

Hmm….Well, no. Not really. Not at all.

So, are they great artist?

Yes, yes they are.

Because they went ahead of everybody else, and had their “own ideas and creations” 

And that is what an artist is noted for…right?