Self Harm Is For Losers Like Me

Hello! Today I would like to talk about something from my past, as it is now affecting one of my friends. Yes, I used to self harm. Under my uniform’s sleeve hid lots of scars.

I was 13 years old when I started to self harm after the suicide of my dearest of dearest, I felt guilty as I was the last person who my friend spoke to, we laughed, sang, it all seemed normal. Sadly, I was too stupid to realize that for about a week he was hinting his suicide at me. I did not realize it until the last second when he said his plans to me.

He promised he was joking, though. So I didn’t take him seriously.

Well, he wasn’t joking.

Feeling the guilt I started to self harm and I fell into a deep depression.

I would wear a uniform to school that consisted of a long sleeve shirt. With my P.E. uniform, which was a short sleeve shirt, I would hide my scars under these long, bracelet cuffs like the one shown here.bracelt

Yep. I would cut my wrists. My parents didn’t know, my friends didn’t know either. From the outside I was the happy cheerful little Karu-chan always running around but inside I was sad.

I eventually stopped, after I found myself in the pathetic situation in which I had stomped desperately on a pencil sharpener until I broke it in order to get the blade out. I was hiding out in the last bathroom stall about to drag it down my wrist when I said:

“No. Stop it. ”

It was hard, but I stopped. I looked up ways to stop on the internet and I found this method where I would snap rubber bands against my wrists whenever I felt like cutting myself.

Is that method dangerous? Yes. But the point of it was, replacing the pain with another pain and gradually reduce that pain until I no longer needed it. Maybe it wasn’t the best way, maybe there were other methods that I could have tried, but I went with the first thing that popped up as I was desperate.

In the end, this was all unnecessary. I could have avoided many things, yet I couldn’t and not accepting it brought me to what I would do.

I found myself in the situation where my friend who may rest in peace used to be in, the which I helped him through. Yup, I stopped him from hurting himself as well but in the end I did the same exact thing.

I know that he didn’t want me to do that, it wasn’t the right thing. But I did it anyways.

“I have a blade named cat. Cat scratches my wrists”

In the end, the point here is: Don’t.

There are other ways to solve your issues, baby. Don’t hurt yourself as it will lead to nothing but death. Instead, do what I didn’t do: Talk to someone. And if you’re scared of talking to someone which was my case, talk to yourself. Look at yourself and realize that you do not deserve the pain that you’re putting yourself through.

My friend’s into self harm because his parents discovered his homosexuality. It’s a stupid reason to harm yourself. So what if you like the same gender as you?

There are people who harm themselves because of your words. Because remember that your words hurt more than your actions, okay? Be careful who you offend, who you insult because you don’t know what goes on inside them, what goes on at home, in their lives.

And remember that no matter what, your life is precious. There are people who are wishing to survive, who go to sleep every night scared that it will be their last. Meanwhile here you are doing what you’re doing when it’s completely unnecessary.

People who self harm are losers. They’re losers because they’re scared to go on, they’re afraid. They go to self harm because they feel that it’s the only way out, that it’s the right thing to do, but it’s not.

A loser looses.

A winner, wins.

I was a loser for cutting myself. Now I’m a winner. Why? Because I was able to win against my situation, and I moved on.

So if I can do it, why can’t you? You just gotta get up, you can’t stay on the floor forever and let people step on you! You gotta get up, walk forward and pick up anybody who is on the floor.

If you’re into self harm or someone you know is, please, please, seek professional help. I am no professional, this is just my case. I don’t advise you try the rubber band method as it is dangerous since your blood veins can get swollen and explode. Please, seek other ways, there are many methods out there and many people who are willing to help you or the person that you know.

It is now my goal to stop my gay friend from his self harm. Don’t worry, I’m already working on it. 🙂

Thank you for reading.

-Karuchan

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10 thoughts on “Self Harm Is For Losers Like Me

  1. Its so nice of you to share your experience for people to gain some lesson from it. You are truly a winner and also brave enough that you stopped yourself and helped yourself to get out of it.
    Very Inspiring 🙂
    Good Luck to you 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Everyone’s got their own way of dealing with problems. Some people binge eat, drink or even turn to drugs. Some people annoy the hell out of others for relief and perhaps that’s where we get the internet trolls XD

    Jokes aside though, I believe the ultimate root of this issue would lie in social support.
    Not everyone has the fortune to be surrounded by:
    A. Supportive people
    B. Positive people

    Hence the reason why I started Project BIY, allow people to have access to a pool of genuinely nice people to network with. Especially if they’ve got issues, just share it with us 🙂

    I’ve met people who wanted to commit suicide because their loved ones left them (Be it cutting off ties or passed away) and it wasn’t a pleasant thing to watch. Hell, as you know, I’ve been through a super-bad break up myself to the point where I felt like I’ve lost my reason to live. I still remember the days when I’d live each day like a zombie, buy frivolous and expensive things with the money I saved for my future just to make myself feel something.

    Hell, I still feel some of the aftermath effects of it all today even though it’s already been years since the break up lol.

    I mean even now, I still do wonder sometimes on whether life is worth living at all. When you commit yourself to someone and get betrayed / have things backfire like this, kinda makes it feel pointless to commit myself to anything or anyone in life anymore. Honestly, there are days when it just feels meaningless again cause I do not see a point in doing anything and I just feel too tired to fight on- Something which I’m sure many of us can relate to.

    BUT- I know that I cannot give up now because I still got a mission to complete. Bring about more positive changes in lives. On the days when I feel down, I’ll try to remind myself to stop bitching cause there are people out there with worst problems XD

    Honestly, my life ain’t bad despite all the BS I’ve faced both in my professional and personal life. I’ve managed to meet good people as well to go through life with and that, in my opinion, is one of the best things in life that anyone can get.

    The gift of good people in your life. The gift of them and their time to us.
    Life is beautiful if we choose to look at the beauties eh?

    We must never ignore the ugly though. Like a raging Panda mascot looking to terrorize people who says no to their product.

    Your pal,
    Benjamin
    http://www.projectbiy.com

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Very true, my dear friend. But remember that you gotta keep on going and that life will bring you rewards. 🙂

      The good people are in our lives for a reason: To bring us good. So, appreciate them! Because it’s hard to find good people. 😉

      Here’s a little secret; I’m the panda that terrorizes people. So you better say YES to my product! Or I’ll go and destroy your computer xD

      Liked by 1 person

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