Hey. I know how you feel.
But you have to accept it. He isn’t worth it. He doesn’t deserve you. He isn’t real. He’s what’s killing you on the inside. I know that sometimes we take back from a risk, but it’s because a beautiful dream is better than a dark reality.
But even a beautiful dream can hurt.
I know that you would do anything for him, you have proven it. But has he done it for you?
I know that you dream of him.
But he doesn’t exist. The only reason you created such a beautiful image in your head is so that you wouldn’t feel so damn lonely. So rejected, so depressed.
But it’s not real, Karuchan. It’s not real. He’s not real. He will never be real. Get over it. It’s not your fault, it’s his.
He did this to you. It was all a perfect illusion and it still is. Forget it. I know that you believe that maybe all of this is happening because if you just had the damn courage to tell him, things would go the way you imagined them. I know that you believe that you are currently suffering because maybe it’s the way that life wants to tell you that he does feel the same way about you.
But he doesn’t.
You’re not his type honey, sorry.
He wears you like an item of clothing. He wraps your hair around his neck like a scarf, he locks his hands with yours like gloves, he throws your arms over him like a sweater, then he takes it all off.
I know that you try and go on like nothing ever happened. It won’t work. You’re just killing yourself with sadness. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t even remember you. Look at what he did?
He made you believe that he was into you, you let yourself go without realizing. Now you can’t leave. How many times did he break up with his girlfriend and made you believe that he did it for you? He got back with her even though she’s a slut, even though she only cares about herself, never appreciates anything that he does for her.
Meanwhile you’re always standing behind him ready for action, ready for whatever he needs.
It’s sad when you like someone, when you’re always watching after them making sure that they’re okay but they don’t even notice you. Like how they say,
“You notice everybody except the person who cares for you”
And it’s true.
Look at you? Pathetic.
I wish that you had the damn courage to go up to him and tell him everything that you feel. That you don’t want him, that he can stay with his girlfriend. You want him to be happy, so let him stay with her. If every time they break up and get back together, that just means that he feels happy with her, not with anyone else. Let him be, let him go.
I wish you had the courage to just forget that it ever happened.
I want you to go on. Don’t let him do this to you. It’s just damaging you. It’s making you fall apart.
It hurt’s to see you smile.
Especially when you’re giving your smile and your laugh to him.
It hurts me whenever I see you looking at him.
Whenever you’re giving him your time and attention.
I know that you don’t really have anybody to talk to, no one understands. You’ve always been lonely on the inside, anyways. I know that you wish that you had somebody to talk to, someone who won’t reply with “It’s okay”. Yes, I know that you appreciate those who do help you out even if it’s just a bit, but you wish that you had someone to say this to, someone that could hear you, someone that could help you.
Which is why you’re writing a letter to yourself right now.
Such a beautiful, smart, happy, cheerful person like you.
Turns out to be a dead, lonely and sad girl on the inside.
I know that you don’t show your sadness to anybody, or else they would worry. You don’t want anybody to worry about you, so you always say that you’re okay.
I know that you’re not the selfish, egoist type. You’re always thinking about the others, you come in last. You don’t want people to worry and feel sad because of you, you don’t want them to know or else they wouldn’t feel happy. You want happiness for everyone but..
What about yourself?
Do you want happiness for yourself?
Get over it. Get over him. He isn’t real, his love for you isn’t real, it was just an illusion. He just took your heart and played with it. Forget about him.
Forget about him.
And I promise you that you’ll be okay.
Don’t worry honey, just go to bed now. Cry it all out once again like you do whenever you can’t repress your emotions no longer.
I know that you have a bit of emotional problems, but please don’t let them take over your life. Please, I beg you. I want you to be okay.
So for the last time, I want you to cry out all the things you feel caused by him. Keep in mind that this will be for the last time.
And no more.
He isn’t real.
Just forget about it.
He doesn’t care about you.
He doesn’t deserve your attention.
He isn’t the one for you.
Don’t let it build up inside you any longer.
Just let it all go.
I know that you still won’t get the courage to tell him, and I will not force you to tell him. Do it all at it’s time, do it when you feel ready.
It’s the best you can do.
…..Honestly, I recommend that you don’t tell him. You’re too….sensitive. You’re strong in mind but weak at heart.
You will just end up getting hurt.
He makes you sad, he makes you mad, he makes you disappointed. I know you have no one. Just hold on a little bit longer, I promise you that things will get better if you just stay strong. Don’t let him take you over.
“I’ll do it for you”.
This time, do it for yourself.