Under the Same Eclipse: A Letter to David, Who Committed Suicide…

Dear David,

Hey. Do you remember me? It’s me, your internet friend. Remember when we met? We met years ago. I would always see you online. I always wanted to talk to you. I think that the day that the internet servers for that social platform were down, it was because God wanted us to meet. We were redirected to another website where I joined in to the chat room and you were there and asked who played Animal Crossing, and I was the one who replied. That was how we started, remember?

You were older than me by one year. But age never mattered to us.

We started bonding through private messages. You were perfect. We had the same music taste, we loved anime, comics, manga, video games, and so much more.

Do you remember the forums and RPG’s?

Damn, we were crazy. Everyone said we were, and it was true. How could anybody become best friends with someone who lives a thousand miles away?

I lived in Las Vegas, you lived in Florida.

But we were always under the same sky, under the same moon, under the same stars.

I loved our Skype calls. I loved seeing your long, emo-ish black hair, how it would fall into your face and how you would blow it away from your face so that I could see your brown eyes and white skin. Everything about you was just so…perfect.  I mean hey, you had the looks. (:

Whenever we would talk, I felt like nothing mattered. I didn’t need friends, because I had you.  Whenever I would get home from school, I would run to my laptop to chat with you, and if you weren’t online I would wait for you and vice versa.

We fell in love, remember?

We were meant for each other. I loved you so much. But did you feel the same way about me?

A long distance relationship over the internet. Two crazy teenagers laying on their beds in the dark, our faces illuminated by a computer screen, as we smiled and messaged each other and heard our voices through a laptop speaker.

Sadly, it all started to come to an end, and I wasn’t ready.

You fell into depression one day, that’s when things started to fall apart. You were sad, crying, that’s when you started to do self harm.

It would break my heart to see your wrist filled with scars, all because of family and school problems.

One day you messaged me with a goodbye message. I didn’t want you to go. Not just yet, it wasn’t your time. Why did you make me suffer like that? What did I do to you?

One last skype call, it was the saddest. I cried that night trying to convince you not to do it.

But why was I so stupid? You had given me hints about your plan… “The tree in my backyard”, “2:30 a.m. when no one is around”, “How do you make a slipknot?” was  something he asked me, since he knew I was in tailoring workshop in school, and stupid me showed you how with string.

But you lied to me. You said your mother was learning to sew, why would you lie to me like that?

Your plan was to commit suicide, I was the only one who knew. You wanted to hang yourself, you just wanted to end it all.

And I cried when you logged out that night.

I was going crazy.

Your best friend and family member contacted me and told me everything, and you disappeared forever.

Oh, what did you do to me?

You promised to never leave me.

I needed you, but you obviously didn’t need me anymore.

In the end, you never needed me. Because I couldn’t do anything.

And now we are a million miles away from each other.

…….

I remember when an eclipse happened in Vegas, I ran outside with my dark glasses to see it. It was beautiful.

And that’s when you messaged me:

“Under the same eclipse, bright eyes.”

One day we will see each other, won’t we? I tried suicide once, but I think that it was you who stopped me. I used to do self harm, but I stopped because I don’t think that you wanted to see me suffer. You are my guardian angel.

I like to believe that all the stars that I see are those who died, and at nights when you can only see one or two, it’s because those stars are people who mattered to you and you to them.

And you are one of those stars.

I’m sad, I’m lonely, I’m a bit depressed now. Today’s daily prompt was eclipse, and I remembered you. Your brown eyes, your black hair, your voice.

It is that time of the year again, in which your birthday is coming up. You were to be 17 soon. I always get sad around these months, especially in October since that’s the month you were born in.

I bet that you are finally happy now. Thank you so much for all the nice conversations and everything you meant to me and still do, even though we never met each other in person, at least I got to meet such an amazing human being over the internet. Why do you think I love the internet so much? It’s because this is where we met. And I know that some people may find it obscure, but that’s because they don’t feel what I feel, they don’t know the desperation of wanting to run away and search for the person they love in order to save them.

I miss you, David.

With love from the earth to the stars above me where you live and are watching over me until the day that God decides to join us together,

 -Karuchan.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/eclipse/

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3 thoughts on “Under the Same Eclipse: A Letter to David, Who Committed Suicide…

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