Things I’ve Heard On the Sidewalk

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I’m not gonna lie, I’m a busy person. I go to the city very often, I go to run errands, do homework, get school material, buy stuff, or I get asked out to hang out, watch a movie, or on a date at a hot dog stand that’s at the corner of a street. How romantic, huh? That’s what happens when your crush is your best friend. Anyways, on my way to the bus stop or to the hot dog stand, I have to walk through the streets and while I’m at it, there’s just some things that my ears pick up that can sometimes be very interesting…or just plain “wtf is wrong with society”.

Here’s a list of the most awkward, funny, weird, no-shame or dignity things that I’ve heard out on the streets! I had to go through numerous Facebook and Whatsapp chats to find them (from the times I told my friends) along with the ones I remember and some that my friends have heard themselves. Warning, some of them are very graphic…like I said, some people have no dignity or shame I mean, c’mon, there’s things that should be kept to yourself, people!

Or else a teenager will talk about them to her friends and write a post about it to the internet.

1.- On my way to the park, someone said this to me:
-“You want some bread?”

2.-In the city:
-“Jenny thinks she’s pregnant..again.”
-“I thought she thought she was pregnant like two months ago?”
-“Exactly.”

3.-Walking to the movie theater:
-“I forgot if I brought my child with me..I’m not sure.”

4.- Walking pass a hair salon:
-“Please shorten my nails, I can’t wipe my butt with them this long.”

5.-Walking pass a secondary school:
-“My grandma died from eating instant Ramen noodles.”

6.-A taxi pulling up violently with a lady inside while I was about to cross the street:
-“What type of driver are you? You’re gonna have to pay my gynecologist to fix my ovaries!”

7.- Someone talking on the phone:
-“I haven’t peed in hours.”

8.-Walking through the street market, a couple:
-“Do I look fat in this dress?”
-“You look fat in all of them.”

10.- A woman talking on the phone:
-“I cheated on my boyfriend with his sister.”

11.- While standing at the bus stop, two guys that were sitting down at the bus stop bench:
-“If Jennifer Laurence were as hairy as Chewbacca, what would yo do?”
-“Eh, I’d still fuck her.”

12.-Waiting in line to get my bus ticket:
-“I like it when the red water comes out.”

13.-Some school girls from an Elementary school:
-“I brought my cat, it’s in my backpack. But don’t tell my mom.”

14.-While shopping for Japanese candy, a girl and a guy from my school came in the shop:
-“Dude, you got that hentai you promised?”

15.-While walking to a friends house:
-“That bitch don’t live around here..”

And so far my personal favorite thing I’ve heard on the street comes from two girls who walked passed me and my best friend while we were sitting down at the fountain in town:

16.- Idfk.
-“She got kicked out of christian church.”

…How does one, get kicked out of christian church? No offense towards Christians or any other religion, I just…I don’t know how or why. But the way it sounds and how they said it, it just leaves me puzzled every time I remember it.

Anyways, this is the things that people like me experience. People who are always travelling, going to town, getting on public transport or working at a restaurant or shop, etc. hear and see the weirdest things.

Why did they say that? What happened? What is their story? Will we ever know?

City people, amirite?

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