Hello! Karuchan is back to tell you about my life…!! Yay…!!!? So, back to the point: In today’s post I will be talking about a boy who caused and is till causing me to just….wonder about everything in between us. Sorry if it’s too long. 😦
In this blog post you will read about: Alfredo
So, when I entered high school, I still had my boyfriend who I had for a year and six months, but it all started going downhill when I met this boy named Alfredo at school. He was in the same class as me. I honestly didn’t even know he existed until one day he turned around and noticed my Sailor Moon tote bag I used to take to school. He then started talking with me and we discovered we had many things in common. I then found out he had a girlfriend. We started getting along together and we ended up being very close friends, to the point in which I fell in love with him. Sometimes when a girl and a boy get along, one of them has to fall for the other. It was rather him or me, in this case it was me.
The start of things
As time went by, my relationship with my boyfriend wasn’t going so well. he found out about this boy, and he got very jealous. I would tell my friend about all our arguments and he would give me moral support and tell me that everything was going to be ok…and that’s when things would take a spin. After giving me advice, he always suggested me to break up with him and he would start with all the “He doesn’t need a person like you, you’re too good”. Out of the blue he then started to get really close to me, hug me, he would kiss my hand or give me a little peck on the cheek, etc. He would do this daily. I fell for him. I kept track of everything in my diary ( Like a yandere would do 😮 ) completed with dates and every action that he would do that gave me signs of an attraction towards me. He then started getting on an on and off relationship with his girlfriend, until he left her for good…or at least that’s what I thought.
After he broke up with her, I broke up with my boyfriend also. I remember going inside my classroom and finding my friend crying at his desk due to this girl. This girl was and is the worst honestly, and I still think it, but at the same time I don’t. I’ll explain that later on (last paragraph). He explained to me that he found out this girl would flirt to other boys and rumors going around that she would sext lots and lots of boys. She would kinda neglect my friend unless if she needed something, but if it was him who needed something, she wouldn’t even care. He eventually got mad and decided to pay one of the guys who she was sexting a little visit during our lunch break at school. That’s when she steps in and says that she doesn’t even know him, but the guy said he did know her and that she would talk to him on social media. She kept on refusing that she knew him and he eventually got mad and broke up with her. I thought that this my chance to be with him! Nope! Incorrect! He got back with her. I was left once again, heartbroken and with no boyfriend. Well, at least i didn’t get back with my ex-boyfriend. That relationship had to end.
time went by and he broke up with her once again due to her sending nudes to dudes, me still secretly in love with him. this time he broke up with her for another girl. Yes! you guessed it! It wasn’t me! It was a girl from the classroom next door. He managed to start dating her, later to discover he didn’t really like her. He was just with her because he liked her looks. He left her and went back with his ex-girl to later break up with him, get back with the chick with the looks and then to dump her once again and get back to his ex-girlfriend. WHY. This guy is just…too much. He then started flirting with me again but this time, it wasn’t in a playful way. This time, he was staring into my eyes, caressing my face and hair gently, all of that. He then asked me “..if you could marry anyone in this classroom..who would it be?”. I didn’t answer that question, I was too busy asking myself “WHY DO YOU MAKE ME SUFFER”. After that he got back with his ex. Once again, WHY. So now I sit here here writing this post, since recently he has been hugging me, embracing me from behind, whispering awful pickup lines into my ear and so on. He once wrote me a poem, but was too embarrassed to read it to me, so he just put his notebook down and said some other crappy unfunny poem. I even saw when he was inspired and writing it down and he just went up to me and said “I wrote you a poem” and just chickened out. But, this just made me wonder: Does he like me? Or is he just messing around with me? I honestly don’t know the correct answer, but maybe he does feel something for me, but is too afraid to tell me, or maybe he is really just playing around with me.
So…what is it then?
I don’t know what it is, i’m just confused. I do want to ask him if he feels anything for me, and possibly even confess my love towards him. But this just made me think: If he were to like me back, would I accept to be his girlfriend? I have seen what happens when he breaks up with her, he just goes back with her after she wines and begs him to get back. And with that other girl, the pretty one? Well, he just wanted her for the looks, sadly, the girl actually fell in love with him. She even gave him a second chance but he ended up hurting her feelings. Yes, he may seem happy right now and all, but what about her? Do you think that she’s happy that he left her 2 times just for some girl who obviously doesn’t care? I honestly don’t want something like that to happen to me. I don’t want to finally be able to become his girlfriend, be happy about it, and then just be sad and heartbroken again due to him breaking up with me to get back with his first girlfriend. No one wants that for them. I know, he has told me many secrets, he has openly spoken to me about his family and life problems, he came to me when he was thinking about suicide and more. He has personally said to me that he can talk to me about his problems and other things that he can’t tell anyone else and I would never reject helping him, and it’s true. I’m just that type of person.
I don’t want him or anyone to think that I’m like “Oh please be mine you don’t deserve some girl” blah blah blah. No. If he feels happy with her, then I will let him stay with her. All I want him to be is Happy. If he wants to stay with this girl then he can stay, if he wants another girl then go ahead. I will ever try to stop him, I will never try to force him. They say that if you really care and love someone, then just let them go. In this case, I think that’s whats best. All I want is to see his smile and well, I’ll always be there for him. Sometimes it makes me feel bad, but I just can’t do anything about it. I didn’t want to be the one to forget, but i’m the one who fell in love. If I were to confess to him, I would tell him all of this. And I will tell him one day.
-So, I decided to write about this because it’s a bit hard to just tell someone else. I told my best friend but, i don’t know. I guess that I’m that type of person that has to layout her thoughts. I know I know, why share it on the internet? I don’t know either.
Thanks for reading! Click here to read my last post: Hello!!!